Blind date datering

Blind date Dating. Blind date: 'It was awkward when the oysters came out' Ella, 26, personal assistant, meets Josh, 26, actor/bar manager. Blind Date’s Guide to all the important do’s and don’ts for perfect and memorable online dating The Internet has been around for decades, but the concept of online dating is comparatively new. It Doesn’t matter if you are a social media veteran with dating experience or someone about to set ... A blind date occurs when the two persons going out on the date are meeting for the first time. The word blind in this case doesn't mean that one or both of the persons involved is visually impaired, but rather that no in-person meeting has occurred previously. In a regular first date, the two ... Frank, 46, financial analyst/football coach, meets Jen, 44, social researcher What were you hoping for? To meet someone with the potential for something long-term. First impressions? Confident ... Bravo dives back into the dating pool with its reboot of the iconic series “Blind Date.” In the age of social media where preconceived notions dominate and dating apps thrive on a swipe left ... 'I have been dating online for 4 years after experiencing many disappointments I was very happy to find a real site that compared all the legit dating sites. In Blind date, there are a wide range of dating apps to choose. I found the best dating app that caters to my religious preferences from Blind date. Blind Dating Service is part of the dating network, which includes many other general dating sites. As a member of Blind Dating Service, your profile will automatically be shown on related general dating sites or to related users in the network at no additional charge.

Does anybody think that more can be done about Online Dating on Roblox

2020.08.11 19:43 Cadesz Does anybody think that more can be done about Online Dating on Roblox

It’s obvious that games like “Life in Paradise” are epicenters for minors online dating. I’ve seen it in so many YouTube and Twitter posts, and I think that the Roblox Team can see it too. Also, games that contain “rThots”, which are basically twitter thots but in roblox, have a lot of online dating as well, and they’re open about it. I just don’t get it. There’s evidence, why doesn’t Roblox delete games like this? Most online daters spend a lot of money on making themselves look “hot”, which gives Roblox more money. They’re probably turning a blind eye for this reason. They’re ignoring the community when they ask them about it, and ODing reports on site don’t do anything. They’re left unchecked and unsolved. I hope changes are made one day. Anyone agree with me?
submitted by Cadesz to RobloxR [link] [comments]


2020.06.16 05:23 tonnie_taller Where to Follow the Main Cast of Dating Around on Instagram

Read more on WordPress https://ift.tt/30IV4qk
https://ift.tt/2Y2AZJK Netflix recently released its much-awaited season 2 of Dating Around that was filmed in New Orleans. Just like the first season, it features some beautiful daters who go out on five blind dates and then choose one for the second date. For those who are now obsessed with its cast members and looking to know … Continue reading Where to Follow the Main Cast of Dating Around on Instagram
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2020.06.06 01:51 ThrowRA19903 Help me understand and improve – what am I missing?

I am intending this thread to be equal parts commiserating and self-improvement. I’m interested in everyone else’s similar stories and women’s perspectives on this.
2+ months later since this break-up: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/fvlft0/just_had_the_were_missing_something_breakup/

I am still doing OK, living day to day and trying to get through COVID like everyone else.
As part of going through this breakup I am trying to better understand both this actual breakup as well as some patterns I am noticing.
About me:
· Late 20s, white male, 6’1”, 240 lbs - dad bod (no kids, but a healthy balance between going to the gym and enjoying pizza and wings lol)
· Masters degree
· Good job, no debt, I own my own house
· Driven, equal parts book- and street-smart
· My parents are functioning drug addicts (marijuana and alcohol), which helped drive me and show me what I didn’t want to be as an adult
· I’m a low-maintenance partner. I’m not into drugs, I’ll have the occasional alcoholic drink. I’m not a partier and don’t like games or drama (not that anyone does, but still). Physical contact is important to me and I’d like to be spoiled every once in a while (nice dinner out, massage, surprise trip/activity together) but I don’t need this often.
· I feel pretty typical and average: my 20s got me established in my life with a house and career, and now I’m ready to travel some more, do some house upgrades (eventually get a bigger and better house), and live a good life
· I’ve never cheated on a partner nor have I been cheated on that I’m aware of
· I’m not and have never been a ‘casual’ dater. I believe dating is to prepare for eventually getting married. I’m not a “go with the flow and see what happens” or “we’re dating for the summer but in the fall I’m moving to another country” type.
My ‘type:’
· The right balance of attractiveness, smarts, stability, and adventure and curiousity
· The right mix of “we’re sitting on the couch watching movies in sweatpants tonight” and “hey let’s tile the bathroom this weekend”
· I need someone to be there with me and for me – to talk to, to spend time with, to explore new things with, to just ‘click’ and connect eyes when something outrageous or funny happens and just know we’re thinking the same thing.
I’ve had ~3 serious relationships and a few others that could have become more serious but didn’t for whatever reason. About them:
Girlfriend A: teenage high school love story. Until she became abusive – checking my phone in the middle of the night, following me and randomly showing up where I was, etc. She had serious mental health issues (was on several medications) and could not keep a job. Definitely not an equal relationship. We dated for 3+ years but only lived together for a year before we broke up and did not end on good terms.
Girlfriend B: met her through work. We knew each other for ~2 years before we began dating (dated for 3+ years). She also came from an abusive relationship and heard/witnessed some of the drama with Girlfriend A. We got engaged but broke up ~5 months later. She blindsided me –came home after supper with a friend and said we needed to talk. At first she told me she needed a break to get through school exams. Of course, once she was out it became a permanent breakup. Also not an equal relationship but I was happy contributing the majority while she was in school (more on that below).
Girlfriend C: met through online dating, dated for ~3 months. I was also blindsided by this breakup. This wasn’t a serious relationship but it could have been. She was a sign that I’d gotten over Girlfriend B and there was light at the end of the tunnel.
She texted me saying she had a rough day at work and wanted to come over. I said of course. I got her favourite movie ready to watch and was prepared to get some snacks/order food/whatever she needed to be comforted. Instead she knocked on my door and asked if we could talk outside (never happened before). She said she was unhappy. A few weeks later she texted saying she missed me. I asked if she wanted to grab a coffee or talk further. Plans never solidified and we never saw each other again.
Girlfriend D: met through online dating, dated for 3+ years. She’s her: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/fvlft0/just_had_the_were_missing_something_breakup/

Again, blindsided. Here we are in the middle of a pandemic. We’re working on moving-in plans and (I thought) making the relationship stronger. I’m doing what I think is the ultimate labour of love – building her her own space to live and work in – and yet she’s weeks and then days away from leaving me.
Here’s a related non-dating story: I was blind-sided and fired from my job without notice. Literally, sitting at the computer one day. My boss and colleague were both out of the office and unreachable for several hours (weird). Late in the afternoon, they come back with an unknown woman (turned out to be HR Legal) and tell me I’m being let go. That day. Grab my stuff and turn things over. As I was getting the speech from Legal, my colleague was changing all my passwords and ensuring I couldn’t take/damage any documents. Done. Just like that. Never heard from that colleague (whom I considered a friend) or anyone after that again.
What am I missing leading up to these blind-sides?
Here’s where I feel like an idiot:
I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I’ve been aware of it since Girlfriend A and I was also on medication for a while. It’s always present but I feel I can control it and recognize it – like I hear what my internal voice is saying, but I can always respond with “pff… whatever. That’s not true.”
Well, with Girlfriend C, I remember having this tiny voice as I was getting the movie ready saying “geez, this is weird, I hope we’re not breaking up.”
With my firing, after a few hours of my boss and colleague being missing that little voice questioned whether I was being fired. I started organizing computer files, creating backups, sending stuff to my home computer, etc. I even started a document from the perspective of handing over my position to my successor.
With Girlfriend D, there was often just this feeling of “geez, something seems… off with her” but nothing ever came of it. I began talking back to that voice louder and louder telling it to shut up that it wasn’t true. And it wasn’t true – until it was.
Girlfriend D is where I finally thought my anxiety was in check and I had it figured out. I was no longer anxious around her friends and family. I could tell that little voice “dude shut up she loves you”. I finally thought I had made “it.” This woman understood me. She got me. We were equals. Partners. In this together for life.
Words mean something:
I pay attention to what’s said and not said and I can’t imagine being anything BUT over-vigilant from here on out.
Girlfriend B wrote the Katy Perry quote “I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece, I’m complete” on our fridge as a thank you for being with her and making her life better. Didn’t mean shit.
Girlfriend D regularly called me the best boyfriend ever (thanks, Facebook Memories reminders!). We had so many amazing experiences together, which were important to both of us. Literally weeks before our breakup she told me “you’ve been around for 3+ years, obviously you’re not going anywhere.” My heart melted because it was such a wonderful affirming comment. Fucking bullshit.
Girlfriend D wrote me little love notes telling me how great I was or “there is no one I’d rather be spending my life with.” She gave me the same birthday card twice in a row because it said “I’m loving spending every year with you more and more” and she said it just perfectly reflected how she felt.
Here’s another theme: I always feel like we’re on the cusp of something better. Girlfriend B was about to graduate from school into a full-time apprenticeship. That was going to help with the bills and we’d be able to get into planning our wedding. Girlfriend D and I were weeks away from moving in. We had plans about how much money we could each save, what we would do, whose furniture would go where, and so on. But instead of getting through these times and pushing into good times, they quit.
Another: 3 of the relationships ended after I was away for work travel. Girlfriends B and D broke it off 10 months after I returned from army training where I was away for 1-2 months. Girlfriend C broke up with me ~2 weeks after I was away for work travel for 2 weeks. Do you think there’s any trend? We continued communicating and spent time together on weekends whenever possible. I didn’t change, did they? Did they feel the space away from me and it was nice?
(Another fun trend: all of my girlfriends’ first names have been from the first half of the alphabet)
My personal request: Please please please! Do not break up with someone because you’re “missing something.” As an adult you should be comfortable and mature enough to understand your emotions and know what you’re looking fonot looking for. It’s the equivalent of telling someone “I’m mad at you!” and then not explaining why! You send the person’s head into a whirlwind! There is nothing they won’t question and potentially sabotage wondering whether that was the thing they were missing. Do they not like my family? Is it hygiene? Politics? Sex? Vision, goals, personal taste?
Another request: don’t blindside people. As hard as it is for me to write, I know none of these relationships just ‘ended.’ No one just woke up one day and decided “today’s the day.” But what I am frustrated by is that I wasn’t a partner to these thoughts and communications as they happened – nor was I allowed to respond or try to fix them.
I’m generally a quick and accurate judge of a person. I’ve had first/second dates where I was missing something (aha! See! I knew what I was missing though and I communicated that). I was honest and didn’t lead anyone on. It was attraction, attitude, feeling deceived from their online persona vs. in-person persona – things like that. In each case I was honest and told them there wouldn’t be another date and I wished them all the best in life. Done. Simple. (And I’ve also had this happen to me. While it stings for a moment, it’s constructive)
Being blindsided hits so hard because it shows how we were on completely different pages after several years together. I figured out in a few weeks that I liked you and you were a good person; I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And yet you couldn’t say the same for me after years?! If you were looking for a 6’5” pro basketball player – that’s your right, but that’s not me. I’d rather know this and we’d both be able to move on. But how is it that I’m on page 363 and she’s still on page 4?
Because of being blindsided, I have these multiple relationships and I don’t know when they became lies. We went on amazing trips – did she love me then? Oh, here’s a lovely wedding we went to together – was her happiness real then?
In conclusion, I’ll finish with Girlfriend D because she’s the most recent, but I think I’m picking up on some patterns here. We had many discussions that indicated the relationship was serious and long-term. We had joint and individual finance plans. We literally wrote down our plan to retire by age 50 and spend ~6 months of the year in the Bahamas. We talked about buying, fixing, and renting out investment properties together – even going as far as to draft budgets and plans for if/when the right properties came along. We knew the church we would be married in and the officiant who would do it (a friend of her mom’s).
These are not the plans of some superficial relationship. These are not things you discuss with someone who is ‘missing something.’ So what am I not understanding? What cues am I missing? How are we making serious plans and yet their mind is in such a different place? I want to dismiss these as flaky, unreliable, lying people, but that seems too… simple?
Thank you for reading this far. Now I’m interested in hearing your similar stories and feedback!
TL;DR: what am I not understanding? How can I be on completely different pages in relationships and not seeing what’s coming? Am I not asking the right questions? Am I attracted to these types of women who can’t express themselves? Am I jumping into things when I should be waiting for someone to come to me?
submitted by ThrowRA19903 to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2020.06.06 01:50 ThrowRA19903 Help me understand and improve – what am I missing?

I am intending this thread to be equal parts commiserating and self-improvement. I’m interested in everyone else’s similar stories and women’s perspectives on this.
2+ months later since this break-up: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/fvlft0/just_had_the_were_missing_something_breakup/

I am still doing OK, living day to day and trying to get through COVID like everyone else.
As part of going through this breakup I am trying to better understand both this actual breakup as well as some patterns I am noticing.
About me:
· Late 20s, white male, 6’1”, 240 lbs - dad bod (no kids, but a healthy balance between going to the gym and enjoying pizza and wings lol)
· Masters degree
· Good job, no debt, I own my own house
· Driven, equal parts book- and street-smart
· My parents are functioning drug addicts (marijuana and alcohol), which helped drive me and show me what I didn’t want to be as an adult
· I’m a low-maintenance partner. I’m not into drugs, I’ll have the occasional alcoholic drink. I’m not a partier and don’t like games or drama (not that anyone does, but still). Physical contact is important to me and I’d like to be spoiled every once in a while (nice dinner out, massage, surprise trip/activity together) but I don’t need this often.
· I feel pretty typical and average: my 20s got me established in my life with a house and career, and now I’m ready to travel some more, do some house upgrades (eventually get a bigger and better house), and live a good life
· I’ve never cheated on a partner nor have I been cheated on that I’m aware of
· I’m not and have never been a ‘casual’ dater. I believe dating is to prepare for eventually getting married. I’m not a “go with the flow and see what happens” or “we’re dating for the summer but in the fall I’m moving to another country” type.
My ‘type:’
· The right balance of attractiveness, smarts, stability, and adventure and curiousity
· The right mix of “we’re sitting on the couch watching movies in sweatpants tonight” and “hey let’s tile the bathroom this weekend”
· I need someone to be there with me and for me – to talk to, to spend time with, to explore new things with, to just ‘click’ and connect eyes when something outrageous or funny happens and just know we’re thinking the same thing.
I’ve had ~3 serious relationships and a few others that could have become more serious but didn’t for whatever reason. About them:
Girlfriend A: teenage high school love story. Until she became abusive – checking my phone in the middle of the night, following me and randomly showing up where I was, etc. She had serious mental health issues (was on several medications) and could not keep a job. Definitely not an equal relationship. We dated for 3+ years but only lived together for a year before we broke up and did not end on good terms.
Girlfriend B: met her through work. We knew each other for ~2 years before we began dating (dated for 3+ years). She also came from an abusive relationship and heard/witnessed some of the drama with Girlfriend A. We got engaged but broke up ~5 months later. She blindsided me –came home after supper with a friend and said we needed to talk. At first she told me she needed a break to get through school exams. Of course, once she was out it became a permanent breakup. Also not an equal relationship but I was happy contributing the majority while she was in school (more on that below).
Girlfriend C: met through online dating, dated for ~3 months. I was also blindsided by this breakup. This wasn’t a serious relationship but it could have been. She was a sign that I’d gotten over Girlfriend B and there was light at the end of the tunnel.
She texted me saying she had a rough day at work and wanted to come over. I said of course. I got her favourite movie ready to watch and was prepared to get some snacks/order food/whatever she needed to be comforted. Instead she knocked on my door and asked if we could talk outside (never happened before). She said she was unhappy. A few weeks later she texted saying she missed me. I asked if she wanted to grab a coffee or talk further. Plans never solidified and we never saw each other again.
Girlfriend D: met through online dating, dated for 3+ years. She’s her: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/fvlft0/just_had_the_were_missing_something_breakup/

Again, blindsided. Here we are in the middle of a pandemic. We’re working on moving-in plans and (I thought) making the relationship stronger. I’m doing what I think is the ultimate labour of love – building her her own space to live and work in – and yet she’s weeks and then days away from leaving me.
Here’s a related non-dating story: I was blind-sided and fired from my job without notice. Literally, sitting at the computer one day. My boss and colleague were both out of the office and unreachable for several hours (weird). Late in the afternoon, they come back with an unknown woman (turned out to be HR Legal) and tell me I’m being let go. That day. Grab my stuff and turn things over. As I was getting the speech from Legal, my colleague was changing all my passwords and ensuring I couldn’t take/damage any documents. Done. Just like that. Never heard from that colleague (whom I considered a friend) or anyone after that again.
What am I missing leading up to these blind-sides?
Here’s where I feel like an idiot:
I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I’ve been aware of it since Girlfriend A and I was also on medication for a while. It’s always present but I feel I can control it and recognize it – like I hear what my internal voice is saying, but I can always respond with “pff… whatever. That’s not true.”
Well, with Girlfriend C, I remember having this tiny voice as I was getting the movie ready saying “geez, this is weird, I hope we’re not breaking up.”
With my firing, after a few hours of my boss and colleague being missing that little voice questioned whether I was being fired. I started organizing computer files, creating backups, sending stuff to my home computer, etc. I even started a document from the perspective of handing over my position to my successor.
With Girlfriend D, there was often just this feeling of “geez, something seems… off with her” but nothing ever came of it. I began talking back to that voice louder and louder telling it to shut up that it wasn’t true. And it wasn’t true – until it was.
Girlfriend D is where I finally thought my anxiety was in check and I had it figured out. I was no longer anxious around her friends and family. I could tell that little voice “dude shut up she loves you”. I finally thought I had made “it.” This woman understood me. She got me. We were equals. Partners. In this together for life.
Words mean something:
I pay attention to what’s said and not said and I can’t imagine being anything BUT over-vigilant from here on out.
Girlfriend B wrote the Katy Perry quote “I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece, I’m complete” on our fridge as a thank you for being with her and making her life better. Didn’t mean shit.
Girlfriend D regularly called me the best boyfriend ever (thanks, Facebook Memories reminders!). We had so many amazing experiences together, which were important to both of us. Literally weeks before our breakup she told me “you’ve been around for 3+ years, obviously you’re not going anywhere.” My heart melted because it was such a wonderful affirming comment. Fucking bullshit.
Girlfriend D wrote me little love notes telling me how great I was or “there is no one I’d rather be spending my life with.” She gave me the same birthday card twice in a row because it said “I’m loving spending every year with you more and more” and she said it just perfectly reflected how she felt.
Here’s another theme: I always feel like we’re on the cusp of something better. Girlfriend B was about to graduate from school into a full-time apprenticeship. That was going to help with the bills and we’d be able to get into planning our wedding. Girlfriend D and I were weeks away from moving in. We had plans about how much money we could each save, what we would do, whose furniture would go where, and so on. But instead of getting through these times and pushing into good times, they quit.
Another: 3 of the relationships ended after I was away for work travel. Girlfriends B and D broke it off 10 months after I returned from army training where I was away for 1-2 months. Girlfriend C broke up with me ~2 weeks after I was away for work travel for 2 weeks. Do you think there’s any trend? We continued communicating and spent time together on weekends whenever possible. I didn’t change, did they? Did they feel the space away from me and it was nice?
(Another fun trend: all of my girlfriends’ first names have been from the first half of the alphabet)
My personal request: Please please please! Do not break up with someone because you’re “missing something.” As an adult you should be comfortable and mature enough to understand your emotions and know what you’re looking fonot looking for. It’s the equivalent of telling someone “I’m mad at you!” and then not explaining why! You send the person’s head into a whirlwind! There is nothing they won’t question and potentially sabotage wondering whether that was the thing they were missing. Do they not like my family? Is it hygiene? Politics? Sex? Vision, goals, personal taste?
Another request: don’t blindside people. As hard as it is for me to write, I know none of these relationships just ‘ended.’ No one just woke up one day and decided “today’s the day.” But what I am frustrated by is that I wasn’t a partner to these thoughts and communications as they happened – nor was I allowed to respond or try to fix them.
I’m generally a quick and accurate judge of a person. I’ve had first/second dates where I was missing something (aha! See! I knew what I was missing though and I communicated that). I was honest and didn’t lead anyone on. It was attraction, attitude, feeling deceived from their online persona vs. in-person persona – things like that. In each case I was honest and told them there wouldn’t be another date and I wished them all the best in life. Done. Simple. (And I’ve also had this happen to me. While it stings for a moment, it’s constructive)
Being blindsided hits so hard because it shows how we were on completely different pages after several years together. I figured out in a few weeks that I liked you and you were a good person; I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And yet you couldn’t say the same for me after years?! If you were looking for a 6’5” pro basketball player – that’s your right, but that’s not me. I’d rather know this and we’d both be able to move on. But how is it that I’m on page 363 and she’s still on page 4?
Because of being blindsided, I have these multiple relationships and I don’t know when they became lies. We went on amazing trips – did she love me then? Oh, here’s a lovely wedding we went to together – was her happiness real then?
In conclusion, I’ll finish with Girlfriend D because she’s the most recent, but I think I’m picking up on some patterns here. We had many discussions that indicated the relationship was serious and long-term. We had joint and individual finance plans. We literally wrote down our plan to retire by age 50 and spend ~6 months of the year in the Bahamas. We talked about buying, fixing, and renting out investment properties together – even going as far as to draft budgets and plans for if/when the right properties came along. We knew the church we would be married in and the officiant who would do it (a friend of her mom’s).
These are not the plans of some superficial relationship. These are not things you discuss with someone who is ‘missing something.’ So what am I not understanding? What cues am I missing? How are we making serious plans and yet their mind is in such a different place? I want to dismiss these as flaky, unreliable, lying people, but that seems too… simple?
Thank you for reading this far. Now I’m interested in hearing your similar stories and feedback!
TL;DR: what am I not understanding? How can I be on completely different pages in relationships and not seeing what’s coming? Am I not asking the right questions? Am I attracted to these types of women who can’t express themselves? Am I jumping into things when I should be waiting for someone to come to me?
submitted by ThrowRA19903 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.06.06 01:50 ThrowRA19903 Help me (29M) understand and improve – what am I missing?

I am intending this thread to be equal parts commiserating and self-improvement. I’m interested in everyone else’s similar stories and women’s perspectives on this.
2+ months later since this break-up: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/fvlft0/just_had_the_were_missing_something_breakup/

I am still doing OK, living day to day and trying to get through COVID like everyone else.
As part of going through this breakup I am trying to better understand both this actual breakup as well as some patterns I am noticing.
About me:
· Late 20s, white male, 6’1”, 240 lbs - dad bod (no kids, but a healthy balance between going to the gym and enjoying pizza and wings lol)
· Masters degree
· Good job, no debt, I own my own house
· Driven, equal parts book- and street-smart
· My parents are functioning drug addicts (marijuana and alcohol), which helped drive me and show me what I didn’t want to be as an adult
· I’m a low-maintenance partner. I’m not into drugs, I’ll have the occasional alcoholic drink. I’m not a partier and don’t like games or drama (not that anyone does, but still). Physical contact is important to me and I’d like to be spoiled every once in a while (nice dinner out, massage, surprise trip/activity together) but I don’t need this often.
· I feel pretty typical and average: my 20s got me established in my life with a house and career, and now I’m ready to travel some more, do some house upgrades (eventually get a bigger and better house), and live a good life
· I’ve never cheated on a partner nor have I been cheated on that I’m aware of
· I’m not and have never been a ‘casual’ dater. I believe dating is to prepare for eventually getting married. I’m not a “go with the flow and see what happens” or “we’re dating for the summer but in the fall I’m moving to another country” type.
My ‘type:’
· The right balance of attractiveness, smarts, stability, and adventure and curiousity
· The right mix of “we’re sitting on the couch watching movies in sweatpants tonight” and “hey let’s tile the bathroom this weekend”
· I need someone to be there with me and for me – to talk to, to spend time with, to explore new things with, to just ‘click’ and connect eyes when something outrageous or funny happens and just know we’re thinking the same thing.
I’ve had ~3 serious relationships and a few others that could have become more serious but didn’t for whatever reason. About them:
Girlfriend A: teenage high school love story. Until she became abusive – checking my phone in the middle of the night, following me and randomly showing up where I was, etc. She had serious mental health issues (was on several medications) and could not keep a job. Definitely not an equal relationship. We dated for 3+ years but only lived together for a year before we broke up and did not end on good terms.
Girlfriend B: met her through work. We knew each other for ~2 years before we began dating (dated for 3+ years). She also came from an abusive relationship and heard/witnessed some of the drama with Girlfriend A. We got engaged but broke up ~5 months later. She blindsided me –came home after supper with a friend and said we needed to talk. At first she told me she needed a break to get through school exams. Of course, once she was out it became a permanent breakup. Also not an equal relationship but I was happy contributing the majority while she was in school (more on that below).
Girlfriend C: met through online dating, dated for ~3 months. I was also blindsided by this breakup. This wasn’t a serious relationship but it could have been. She was a sign that I’d gotten over Girlfriend B and there was light at the end of the tunnel.
She texted me saying she had a rough day at work and wanted to come over. I said of course. I got her favourite movie ready to watch and was prepared to get some snacks/order food/whatever she needed to be comforted. Instead she knocked on my door and asked if we could talk outside (never happened before). She said she was unhappy. A few weeks later she texted saying she missed me. I asked if she wanted to grab a coffee or talk further. Plans never solidified and we never saw each other again.
Girlfriend D: met through online dating, dated for 3+ years. She’s her: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/fvlft0/just_had_the_were_missing_something_breakup/

Again, blindsided. Here we are in the middle of a pandemic. We’re working on moving-in plans and (I thought) making the relationship stronger. I’m doing what I think is the ultimate labour of love – building her her own space to live and work in – and yet she’s weeks and then days away from leaving me.
Here’s a related non-dating story: I was blind-sided and fired from my job without notice. Literally, sitting at the computer one day. My boss and colleague were both out of the office and unreachable for several hours (weird). Late in the afternoon, they come back with an unknown woman (turned out to be HR Legal) and tell me I’m being let go. That day. Grab my stuff and turn things over. As I was getting the speech from Legal, my colleague was changing all my passwords and ensuring I couldn’t take/damage any documents. Done. Just like that. Never heard from that colleague (whom I considered a friend) or anyone after that again.
What am I missing leading up to these blind-sides?
Here’s where I feel like an idiot:
I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I’ve been aware of it since Girlfriend A and I was also on medication for a while. It’s always present but I feel I can control it and recognize it – like I hear what my internal voice is saying, but I can always respond with “pff… whatever. That’s not true.”
Well, with Girlfriend C, I remember having this tiny voice as I was getting the movie ready saying “geez, this is weird, I hope we’re not breaking up.”
With my firing, after a few hours of my boss and colleague being missing that little voice questioned whether I was being fired. I started organizing computer files, creating backups, sending stuff to my home computer, etc. I even started a document from the perspective of handing over my position to my successor.
With Girlfriend D, there was often just this feeling of “geez, something seems… off with her” but nothing ever came of it. I began talking back to that voice louder and louder telling it to shut up that it wasn’t true. And it wasn’t true – until it was.
Girlfriend D is where I finally thought my anxiety was in check and I had it figured out. I was no longer anxious around her friends and family. I could tell that little voice “dude shut up she loves you”. I finally thought I had made “it.” This woman understood me. She got me. We were equals. Partners. In this together for life.
Words mean something:
I pay attention to what’s said and not said and I can’t imagine being anything BUT over-vigilant from here on out.
Girlfriend B wrote the Katy Perry quote “I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece, I’m complete” on our fridge as a thank you for being with her and making her life better. Didn’t mean shit.
Girlfriend D regularly called me the best boyfriend ever (thanks, Facebook Memories reminders!). We had so many amazing experiences together, which were important to both of us. Literally weeks before our breakup she told me “you’ve been around for 3+ years, obviously you’re not going anywhere.” My heart melted because it was such a wonderful affirming comment. Fucking bullshit.
Girlfriend D wrote me little love notes telling me how great I was or “there is no one I’d rather be spending my life with.” She gave me the same birthday card twice in a row because it said “I’m loving spending every year with you more and more” and she said it just perfectly reflected how she felt.
Here’s another theme: I always feel like we’re on the cusp of something better. Girlfriend B was about to graduate from school into a full-time apprenticeship. That was going to help with the bills and we’d be able to get into planning our wedding. Girlfriend D and I were weeks away from moving in. We had plans about how much money we could each save, what we would do, whose furniture would go where, and so on. But instead of getting through these times and pushing into good times, they quit.
Another: 3 of the relationships ended after I was away for work travel. Girlfriends B and D broke it off 10 months after I returned from army training where I was away for 1-2 months. Girlfriend C broke up with me ~2 weeks after I was away for work travel for 2 weeks. Do you think there’s any trend? We continued communicating and spent time together on weekends whenever possible. I didn’t change, did they? Did they feel the space away from me and it was nice?
(Another fun trend: all of my girlfriends’ first names have been from the first half of the alphabet)
My personal request: Please please please! Do not break up with someone because you’re “missing something.” As an adult you should be comfortable and mature enough to understand your emotions and know what you’re looking fonot looking for. It’s the equivalent of telling someone “I’m mad at you!” and then not explaining why! You send the person’s head into a whirlwind! There is nothing they won’t question and potentially sabotage wondering whether that was the thing they were missing. Do they not like my family? Is it hygiene? Politics? Sex? Vision, goals, personal taste?
Another request: don’t blindside people. As hard as it is for me to write, I know none of these relationships just ‘ended.’ No one just woke up one day and decided “today’s the day.” But what I am frustrated by is that I wasn’t a partner to these thoughts and communications as they happened – nor was I allowed to respond or try to fix them.
I’m generally a quick and accurate judge of a person. I’ve had first/second dates where I was missing something (aha! See! I knew what I was missing though and I communicated that). I was honest and didn’t lead anyone on. It was attraction, attitude, feeling deceived from their online persona vs. in-person persona – things like that. In each case I was honest and told them there wouldn’t be another date and I wished them all the best in life. Done. Simple. (And I’ve also had this happen to me. While it stings for a moment, it’s constructive)
Being blindsided hits so hard because it shows how we were on completely different pages after several years together. I figured out in a few weeks that I liked you and you were a good person; I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And yet you couldn’t say the same for me after years?! If you were looking for a 6’5” pro basketball player – that’s your right, but that’s not me. I’d rather know this and we’d both be able to move on. But how is it that I’m on page 363 and she’s still on page 4?
Because of being blindsided, I have these multiple relationships and I don’t know when they became lies. We went on amazing trips – did she love me then? Oh, here’s a lovely wedding we went to together – was her happiness real then?
In conclusion, I’ll finish with Girlfriend D because she’s the most recent, but I think I’m picking up on some patterns here. We had many discussions that indicated the relationship was serious and long-term. We had joint and individual finance plans. We literally wrote down our plan to retire by age 50 and spend ~6 months of the year in the Bahamas. We talked about buying, fixing, and renting out investment properties together – even going as far as to draft budgets and plans for if/when the right properties came along. We knew the church we would be married in and the officiant who would do it (a friend of her mom’s).
These are not the plans of some superficial relationship. These are not things you discuss with someone who is ‘missing something.’ So what am I not understanding? What cues am I missing? How are we making serious plans and yet their mind is in such a different place? I want to dismiss these as flaky, unreliable, lying people, but that seems too… simple?
Thank you for reading this far. Now I’m interested in hearing your similar stories and feedback!
TL;DR: what am I not understanding? How can I be on completely different pages in relationships and not seeing what’s coming? Am I not asking the right questions? Am I attracted to these types of women who can’t express themselves? Am I jumping into things when I should be waiting for someone to come to me?
submitted by ThrowRA19903 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.04.04 17:20 CaspianX2 Full list of upcoming games on the Nintendo Switch (US) (Updated 4/4/2020)

Console exclusives (games that are also on PC and/or mobile, but not on other consoles) in Italics. Nintendo exclusives (games that are only on Nintendo platforms) in bold.
Games Release date Date confirmed by?
Tharsis 4/11/20 Nintendo.com
Path of Giants 4/14/20 Nintendo.com
Doubles Hard 4/15/20 Nintendo.com
Billion Road 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Can Androids Pray: Blue 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Finding Teddy 2: Definitive Edition 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Galaxy Warfighter 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Kawaii Deathu Desu 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Later Daters 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Lost Artifacts: Golden Island 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Piczle Cross Adventure 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Save Your Nuts 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Super Pixel Racers 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
The Fox Awaits Me 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
Zhed 4/16/20 Nintendo.com
A Fold Apart 4/17/20 Nintendo.com
Blind Men 4/17/20 Nintendo.com
Freakout: Calamity TV Show 4/17/20 Nintendo.com
Hyper Jam 4/17/20 Nintendo.com
Rover Wars 4/17/20 Nintendo.com
OMG Police - Car Chase TV Simulator 4/20/20 Nintendo.com
Purrs in Heaven 4/17/20 Nintendo.com
Theme Park Simulator 4/17/20 Nintendo.com
Car Trader Simulator 4/20/20 Nintendo.com
Legends of Amberland: The Forgotten Crown 4/20/20 Nintendo.com
Shadows 4/20/20 Nintendo.com
Help Will Come Tomorrow 4/21/20 Nintendo.com
ITTA 4/22/20 Nintendo.com
Code: Realize ~Future Blessings 4/23/20 Nintendo.com
Damaged in Transit 4/23/20 Nintendo.com
eSports Legend 4/23/20 Nintendo.com
Little Busters! Converted Edition 4/23/20 Nintendo.com
Moto GP 20 4/23/20 Official Trailer
Sunless Sea: Zubmariner Edition 4/23/20 Nintendo.com
Yumeutsutsu Re:After 4/23/20 Nintendo.com
Yumeutsutsu Re:Master 4/23/20 Nintendo.com
Archaica: The Path of Light 4/24/20 Nintendo.com
Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Storm 4 Road to Boruto 4/24/20 Nintendo.com
Trials of Mana 4/24/20 Nintendo.com
Moving Out 4/28/20 Nintendo.com
Dread Nautical 4/29/20 Official Trailer
Levelhead 4/30/20 Nintendo.com
Ministry of Broadcast 4/30/20 Nintendo.com
Japanese Rail Sim April 2020 Official Website
Super Mega Baseball 3 April 2020 Official Trailer
Arcade Spirits 5/1/20 Nintendo.com
1971 Project Heroes 5/7/20 Nintendo.com
Fledgling Heroes 5/7/20 Nintendo.com
Fury Unleashed 5/8/20 Nintendo.com
Megabyte Punch 5/8/20 Nintendo.com
Jet Lancer 5/12/20 Nintendo.com
Best Friend Forever 5/14/20 Nintendo.com
Dungeon of the Endless 5/15/20 Nintendo.com
Railway Empire: Nintendo Switch Edition 5/15/20 Nintendo.com
The Wonderful 101: Remastered 5/19/20 Official Twitter Post
Maneater 5/22/20 Official Trailer
Minecraft Dungeons 5/26/20 Official Twitter Post
Atomicrops 5/28/20 Official Website/Official Trailer
Shantae and the Seven Sirens 5/28/20 Official Trailer
Synaptic Drive 5/28/20 Official Japanese Website (worldwide release on Nintendo Switch specifically mentioned)
Adam's Venture: Origins 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
Bioshock Infinite: The Complete Edition 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
Bioshock Remastered 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
Bioshock 2 Remastered 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
Bioshock: The Collection 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
Borderlands: Game of the Year Edition 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
Borderlands Legendary Collection 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
Borderlands: The Handsome Collection 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
XCOM 2 Collection 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition (Multiple versions) 5/29/20 Nintendo.com
Ninjala May 2020 Nintendo.com
Supermash May 2020 Nintendo.com
Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus May 2020 Nintendo.com
Clubhouse Games: 51 Worldwide Classics 6/5/20 Nintendo.com
The Outer Worlds 6/5/20 Official Website
Mr. Driller: DrillLand 6/25/20 Nintendo.com
Fairy Tail 6/26/20 Official Twitter Post
Mozart Requiem 6/30/20 Official Website
The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III 6/30/20 Nintendo.com
Aeolis Tournament Spring 2020 Official Website
Aground Spring 2020 Official Website
Brigandine: The Legend of Runersia Spring 2020 Official Trailer
Commandos 2 HD Remastered Spring 2020 Official Website
Dog Duty Spring 2020 Official Twitter Post
Empire of Sin Spring 2020 Nintendo.com
Faeria Spring 2020 Nintendo.com
Fury Roads Survivor Spring 2020 Official Website
Ghost of a Tale Spring 2020 Nintendo.com
Hotshot Racing Spring 2020 Official Trailer
Immortal Realms: Vampire Wars Spring 2020 Official Website
In Other Waters Spring 2020 Official Trailer
Purrtato Tail: By the Light of the Elderstar Spring 2020 Official Fact Sheet
Refractor Spring 2020 Kinda Funny Games E3 Showcase
Rock of Ages 3: Make & Break Spring 2020 Official Twitter Post
Spiritfarer Spring 2020 Indie World Showcase 8.19.2019
Summer in Mara (Timed Console Exclusive) Spring 2020 Nintendo.com
Terror Squid Spring 2020 Developer Post on Reddit
The Elder Scrolls: Blades Spring 2020 Nintendo.com
Warborn Spring 2020 Official Twitter Post
Wingspan Spring 2020 Nintendo.com
Biped Q2 2020 Official Trailer
Colt Canyon Q2 2020 Official Website
Dungeon Defenders Awakened (Timed Exclusive) Q2 2020 Official Twitter Post
Golf With Your Friends Q2 2020 Official Trailer
Infinite - Beyond the Mind Q2 2020 Official Twitter Post
Slice of Life Q2 2020 Official Twitter Post
The Red Lantern Q2 2020 Nintendo.com
Train Mechanic Simulator Q2 2020 Official Website
Hellpoint Before the end of Q2 2020 Official Trailer / Official Twitter Post
Broken Lines Early 2020 Official Trailer
Bug Fables Early 2020 Official Twitter Post
Dreamscaper (Timed Exclusive) Early 2020 Nintendo.com
Eastward Early 2020 Nintendo.com
Liberated (Timed Exclusive) Early 2020 Official Fact Sheet/Indie World Showcase 12.10.2019
Lost Words Early 2020 Official Twitter Post/Official Twitter Post
Phogs! Early 2020 Indie World Showcase 8.19.2019
Vigil: The Longest Night Early 2020 Announce Trailer
Windjammers 2 Early 2020 Official Trailer
Wunderling Early 2020 Official Twitter Post
Streets of Rage 4 First Half of 2020 Indie World Showcase 12.10.2019
Sunless Skies First Half of 2020 Official Trailer
Ira Early-Mid 2020 Official Website
Sports Story Mid 2020 Nintendo.com
TT Isle of Man 2 First Semester 2020 Official Trailer
Catherine: Full Body 7/7/20 Nintendo.com
Story of Seasons: Friends of Mineral Town (AKA Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town) 7/10/20 (European Release Date) Official Trailer
Void Terrarium 7/14/20 Official Twitter Post
Radical Rabbit Stew 7/16/20 Official Twitter Post
Bullet Age July 2020 Nintendo.com
RetroMania Wrestling July 2020 Official Twitter Page
Skater XL July 2020 Nintendo.com/Official Twitter Post
Giraffe and Annika 8/28/20 Official Trailer
Windbound 8/28/20 Official Twitter Post
This is the Zodiac Speaking 9/24/20 Official Twitter Post
Aokana - Four Rhythms Across the Blue Summer 2020 Official Twitter Post
Bake 'N Switch Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Baldo: The Guardian Owls (Timed Exclusive) Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Blair Witch Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Blue Fire (Timed Exclusive) Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Bounty Battle Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Cyanide and Happiness: Freakpocalypse: Part 1 (Timed Console Exclusive) Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Deliver Us the Moon Summer 2020 Official Twitter Post
Eldest Souls (Timed Console Exclusive) Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles Remastered Edition Summer 2020 TGS 2019 Trailer/Official Twitter Post
Inertial Drift Summer 2020 Official Twitter Post
King of the Hat Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Megadimension Neptunia VII Summer 2020 Official Twitter Post
PixelJunk Eden 2 Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Rivals of Aether Summer 2020 Announcement at Genesis 7 Event (via user Kindbot on Twitter)
Samurai Jack: Battle Through Time Summer 2020 Official Trailer (exclusively released through IGN)
Sky: Children of the Night Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
Superliminal Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
The Last Campfire Summer 2020 Nintendo.com
The Persistence Summer 2020 Official Trailer
Going Under Q3 2020 Official Trailer
Lord Winklebottom Investigates Q3 2020 Official Website
Port Royale 4 Q3 2020 Official Website
Starbase Startopia Q3 2020 Official Website
Kumo 10/20/20 Developer Post on Reddit
Ruggero Deodato's Cannibal November 2020 Official Website
Axiom Verge 2 Fall 2020 Indie World Showcase 12.10.2019
Cyber Shadow Fall 2020 Official Website
Tin & Kuna Fall 2020 Official Trailer
Prinny 1•2: Exploded and Reloaded Autumn 2020 Official Trailer
Fuser Fall 2020 Nintendo.com
Circadian City Q4 2020 Announce Trailer
Defense Corp Q4 2020 Developer Comment on Reddit
Pumpkin Jack Q4 2020 Official Trailer
Clive 'N' Wrench Winter 2020 Official Trailer
B.Ark (Timed Exclusive) Late 2020 Nintendo.com
Dicey Dungeons Late 2020 Nintendo.com
Quantum League Late 2020 Nintendo.com
Skatebird Late 2020 Indie World Showcase 12.10.2019
Dangerous Driving 2 Holiday 2020 Official Website
Ageless 2020 Official Twitter Post
Ary and the Secret of Seasons 2020 Official Webpage
Backbone 2020 Official Website
Black Book 2020 Official Trailer
Boyfriend Dungeon 2020 Nintendo.com
Bravely Default II 2020 Nintendo.com
Burnout Paradise Remastered 2020 Nintendo.com
Cafe Enchante 2020 Anime Expo 2019 Panel (as relayed by Siliconera.com)
Captain Tsubasa: Rise of the New Champions 2020 Official Trailer
Car Mechanic Flipper 2020 Official Website
Chicken Wiggle Workshop 2020 Official Website
Chris Tales 2020 Official Webpage
Circuit Superstars 2020 Official Website
Cloudpunk 2020 Official Developer Post on Reddit
Collar X Malice 2020 Anime Expo 2019 Panel (as relayed by Siliconera.com)
Collar X Malice Unlimited 2020 Anime Expo 2019 Panel (as relayed by Siliconera.com)
Cthulhu: Books of Ancients 2020 Official Website
Deadly Premonition 2: A Blessing in Disguise 2020 Nintendo.com
Devil's Hunt 2020 Official Twitter Post
Digimon Survive 2020 Anime Expo panel (relayed by NintendoEverything.com)
Electrix 2020 Official Website
Farm & Fix 2020 2020 Official Website
Farm Manager 2018 2020 Official Website
Flipper Mechanic 2020 Official Website
Gearshifters 2020 Official Website
Gleamlight 2020 Nintendo.com
Greak: Memories of Azur 2020 Official Trailer
Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Mega Mix 2020 Official Trailer
Haven 2020 Official Website
Hazel Sky 2020 Official Trailer
Heaven's Vault 2020 Official Twitter Post
Hero: Flood Rescue 2020 Official Website
Hindsight 20/20 2020 Announce Trailer
I Am Dead (Timed Exclusive) 2020 Nintendo.com
Inmost 2020 Nintendo.com
Ion Fury (formerly Ion Maiden) 2020 Discord Comment by Developers (as relayed by Steam community moderator Lunick)
Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? Infinite Combate 2020 Official Trailer
ITTA 2020 Official Twitter Post
Jump King 2020 Official Trailer
Kingpin: Reloaded 2020 Official Trailer
King's Bounty II 2020 Nintendo.com
Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga 2020 Announce Trailer
Little Nightmares II 2020 Announce Trailer
Maid of Sker 2020 Official Website
Mars Horizon 2020 Official Website
Moon Village 2020 Official Website
Mushrooms: Forest Walker 2020 Official Website
Mystic Vale 2020 Official Twitter Post
N1RV Ann-A 2020 Announce Trailer
Necrobarista 2020 Official Twitter Page
No More Heroes 3 2020 Nintendo.com
Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 - The Official Videogame 2020 Official Website
Outbuddies 2020 Official Website
P.U.G.S. Agents 2020 Official Website
Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire 2020 Interview With Developer
Piofore No Banshou 2020 Anime Expo 2019 Panel (as relayed by Siliconera.com)
Plastic Rebellion 2020 Official Website
Remothered: Broken Porcelain 2020 Announce Trailer
Ring of Life: Survive in Proxima 2020 Official Website
Robotics;Notes Elite 2020 Official Website
Rogue Company 2020 Nintendo.com
Sail Forth 2020 Nintendo.com
Sakuna: Of Rice and Ruin 2020 Official Website
Spacebase Startopia 2020 Announce Trailer
Spin Rhythm XD 2020 Announce Trailer
Spirit of the North 2020 Official Twitter Post
Spitlings 2020 Official Twitter Page
SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom Rehydrated 2020 (Previous reports of a release date are false) Official Trailer
Talisman Digital Edition 2020 Official Twitter Post
The Good Life 2020 Nintendo.com
The Survivalists 2020 Nintendo.com
This Is Pool 2020 Official Website
This Is Snooker 2020 Official Website
Those Who Remain 2020 Official Twitter Page
Trigger Witch 2020 Kinda Funny Games E3 Showcase
Unlucky Seven 2020 Official Website
Unto the End 2020 Official Trailer
Vampire: The Masquerade - Shadows of New York 2020 Official Steam Page
XIII 2020 Official Twitter Post
Gods & Monsters Fiscal 2020-2021 (Between April 1 2020 and April 1 2021) E3 Trailer/Official Announcement
Dordogne 2021 Official Trailer
Summer at the Edge of the Universe 2021 Official Twitter Post
(Note: TBA Dates and Missed Release Dates in comments)
I miss anything? Mis-marked exclusivity? Have an official source with updated info? Let me know!
submitted by CaspianX2 to NintendoSwitch [link] [comments]


2020.03.31 23:26 WhyCantIStopWatching Love Is [Blind] Online - Update!

Love Is [Blind] Online - Update!
Hey guys! I posted in here last week about our Discord "Love Is Blind" experiment that we were hoping to gather some interest for. Now named - Love Is Online. We've also got some hilarious custom emojis ready to use!

(Screenshot from our planning doc)
So far, we have OVER 400 interested daters, so we're working on putting them into compatible groups based on preferences.
We still would love to find more men, though - so if anyone has suggestions on how to reach single men, please let me know! :)
The server will be live by the end of the week, so I will share the link then - We will have an "Audience" option for those of you who want to just watch the dating go down.
Here is the link again for interested daters - Feel free to share!
submitted by WhyCantIStopWatching to LoveIsBlindOnNetflix [link] [comments]


2020.02.19 06:26 Iggysfinest05 So many questions lol

How many hours do you think Nick n Vanessa put into their filming...3??? 2 n a half???? Are there more scenes with them acting like Chris Harrison but they were cut when Netflix realized this shit was just supposed to be cheap n easy???
How long were the dates??? Apparently the couples left after 10 days on the set/house so I was just trying to figure out how long the dates were, because even on a dating show idk how much of a connection you can form in 10 days...
What the fuck happened to the other daters??? There could’ve been 15 couples, they only ended up with 6....so what happened???
Who edited this show? Kinda related to the last question but ummm outside of blind dating there’s nothing else I know about the rules of the show, seriously there are 30 people dating at the start of episode 1...literally 5 min in and we’ve just focused on 6 of them...who made that decision to just not say anything about any of the other people lol???
Also were they supposed to be in a house or was that a set??? Debate me n gf were having
N lastly any hair n makeup people on set for the talking head pieces??? Because all the women’s hair was noticeably not really brushed on their segments lol
submitted by Iggysfinest05 to LoveIsBlindOnNetflix [link] [comments]


2019.12.31 21:54 dcal7200 Serial Dater...

First time posting so yeah..
M(30) Growing up I was not super into dating or relationships. I was all about the sports, my friend groups and school. College was the same way. Now that I’m all graduated and have established my career I’ve started dating a lot, mostly girls I’ve met via dating apps or blind dates etc because most of the people I hangout with are already married or in a relationship.
Anyways I’m always down to go out to a bar, concert, or social event because I know how how to maintain my social battery, but I have always been quick to break off a relationship because I’m mildly introverted and my social battery just feels drained by my SO, hence the serial dater. Long term, that drained feeling and not having a SO that’s depositing energy back into me feels like a pretty important thing to me. Additionally, I grew up moving nearly every three years or so, and the story has been the same since I started the whole adulting thing. I feel like I have commitment issues because of that; moreover a craving independence once I’m in a relationship.
So I guess my question is, what can I do to improve my social batter with my SO? and what can I work on to improve my commitment and independence tendencies.
submitted by dcal7200 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2019.12.23 23:15 WorkingHapa WMAF Revisited

Hello, whoever. Regulars, lurkers, critics, weird white nationalist guy. Welcome.

This is a post about a topic now discussed to death... by here, by the internet in general, 4chan, /pol, stormfront, to name a few interesting forums invested in the topic.
And specifically, I wanted to address some of the orthodoxy that's developed about how we frame WMAF, what's been the conclusions, what should be done, etc. So without getting into an exhaustive list, here's what I would call a very generic consensus on the subject: WMAF is a social pairing that symbolizes the most acceptable co-habitation/social bonding between the white and Asian* demographics. And no one disagrees with this, as it is pretty much accepted all around, here, Cali, stormfront, where ever, WMAF is just the more common social interaction. Now normally, as is custom, we'd take that route down the path of WHY that is, get to an ugly answer, everyone debates how bad/influential everything is, start the question all over again.
Lost somewhere in the gaps between that paradigm and the inevitable self-introspection paradigms of how Hapa Eurasians in particular should feel, live, act on all of this, I think is something in between worth re-examining.
Namely, WMAF couplings, what they mean, what they represent, AND what they're doing (Required NAWMAFALT).
And the best answers I've found on that so far is by an old, dead, white guy named Kingsley Davis. Kingsley Davis, an American Sociologist, once upon a time wrote a piece called "Intermarriage in Caste Societies" (which I have occasionally linked before) In it, he makes a lot of historical comparisons, from India, to Philippines, to Hawaii, to a pre-Columbus societies in S. America, all about the various ways in which humans have segregated themselves, made underclasses, made rules of engagement between classes, whathaveyou, and he came up with a few highlights which... although seemingly common sense, for a long time did not fit particularly well with me and the experiences and growing orthodoxy of WMAF on Hapas and the Asian Internet in general; a lot of which frames WMAF as colonialist roleplay, or sexual racism/division of genders within minority groups, or assimilative and self-hating practices on the part of the woman, and even going so far to say that WMAF, in its entirety, carries more racist people than the general population.
The LAST point being particularly speculative, but again, its been an answer that comes to mind, maybe justifiably so IN RESPONSE TO the blatant and widespread racism that WMAF couples have proliferated... I mean, that's what half of these posts are all about, right? Examples of people, Parents especially, harboring racist sentiments that their own kids, real or hypo, would also potentially be ridiculed with. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's the ESSENCE of WHY Reddit, or anyone not Hapa, has the fascination with this place that they do. It's why there's a post at least once a week by a white guy or Asian girl either asking for more evidence because they're half way concerned, or just outright denying the examples and claiming that archiving/collecting said pictures of Hapa family dysfunction is a form of reverse racism to WMAF.
Curiously, I could never quite Articulate HOW Davis Kingsley could have these seemingly common sense claims on the one hand, and the daily faux pas of these WMAF couples, be it on tinder, or tik tok, or whatever. Specifically, Kingsley's claims, in a nutshell, is that Interracial Pairings should see the DECREASE OF RACISM (Or so I thought).
Here's some excerpts:
> The empirical evidence for it is that stratification (read: Racism) and endogamy (read: same race relations) develop concomitantly, and that the more rigid the stratification (the racism) the more stringent the endogamy (lack of interracial pairings). The logical evidence consists in the structural-functional connections, abstractly considered, between marriage on the one hand and stratification on the other. The interconnections may be discussed in terms of two propositions: (1) that equality is required by the nature of the marriage bond; [and] (2) that it is required by the nature, or dynamics, of descent, inheritance, and socialization in a stratified order.
> (1) We know, empirically, that marriage usually implies equality of caste or class status between the parties, as shown by the symbolic identification of the mates (common name, common living quarters, common offspring) ; by the element of reciprocal exchange (cross-cousin marriage, sister exchange, gift exchange); by the anxiety of families to marry their children into families having at least as high a status as their own; by the use of marriage, like friendship, as an alliance mechanism and as a means of vertical mobility (the party marrying up would gain nothing if marriage did not imply equality); and by the role of marriage as both a criterion and an agency of assimilation (e.g., assimilation of the Dutch burghers and French Huguenots in South Africa).~
> When we ask why this implication of equality is present, part of our answer lies in the kind of relation marriage is-above all, its intimate character. It is incompatible with the mechanisms of social distance ordinarily insulating members of different castes from one another. If some persons are “untouchable,” they must also be unmarriageable, and if food which they cook is “uneatable,” they must also be “unusable” in the kitchen.~ Not only does a primary or Cemeinschaft relation always tend to be equalitarian, but it is precisely the more intimate relations that a caste system publicly bans between strata. Conversely, when intimate relations do arise, they tend to mitigate the caste inequality, as seen for example in the better treatment of house slaves as against field slaves (2) Since marriage is an institutional mechanism for procreating and rearing children, the requirements of status ascription in a caste order practically require the marriage of equals. A wife reared in a social stratum widely different from her husband’s is apt to inculcate ideas and behavior incompatible with the position the children will inherit from their father, thus creating a hiatus between their status and their role.
A lot of funny, old words - , again, in a nutshell, marriage is unique because it breaks down the segregation of races and creates intimacy between peoples that wouldn't normally be there. Breakdown of segregation means that partners SHOULD, in theory, be more empathetic to each other, see them as equals, and see their family/offpsring with a more humanized, less racist perspective than the person who doesn't have a mixed family.
That's what Davis says, AND, that's kinda logical... parents, WMAF parents included, are the ones who have Hapa kids, have Asian family members, and significantly, Have Skin In The Game of what the perception is of being Asian in America/the West, even if they do not directly see anything themselves.
And actually, if you listen to the common complaints of WMAF couples, a BIG one, one that again I think gets overlooked is how frequently the white male of the pairing will be completely blind-sided and at issue with insinuations about his partner's sexuality, the white partner's own fetishes, whether their pairing is some kind of arrangement for immigration, all themselves racist insinuations about WMAF, showing that EVEN WMAF COUPLES GET ORIENTALIST RACISM DIRECTED AT THEM!!! All the more reason to be on the side of anti-racism, for their kids, their partners, and themselves.
Despite all that, WMAF and racism can be found in new examples, all the time, even DAILY if you're willing to sift through dating apps and nazi-lite forums every day...
Like I said, until recently, I couldn't reconcile these two points - how can it be that interracial marriage/dating supposedly INCREASES empathy between the races/castes, all the while ALL THESE COUNTER-EXAMPLES continue to pour in.

Answer?
WMAF IS fighting for Eurasians. All the time. Possibly every day if you're willing to go looking for it. Just not in any way you’d want... WMAF has not been arguing for the end of racism... no, for 76 years now, the go-to arguments have been “why isn’t my kid white too?” THAT is the solidarity. THAT is how WMAF have been “fighting” for their kids. Not to end the racism, but to exclude their kids from it for being White-enough*
How are they doing this?
By insisting Eurasians are geniuses. By assuring everyone, everywhere, that Eurasians are the most beautiful, exotic, worthwhile people to be around, and if you don't know now you know! By shutting down Hapas. By shutting down/shitting on ANY Hapa or Eurasian narrative that SUGGESTS ANYTHING LESS THAN PERFECT ASSIMILATION.

HOW?
See.... it all hit me just recently with this guy, George Winkel, aka Mr. Asiaphile!!
A self-appointed Guru and Expert of all things WMAF, including their beautiful, inevitable babies, Mr. Asiaphile ran a blog site, called Asiaphiles and Sell Outs, where he wrote many posts musing on the nature of WMAF, Asian men, Hapa kids, and so on. (http://scipoet.tripod.com/index.html)
In said website, Mr. Asiaphile, a proud prolific dater of Asian women exclusively, rails against what he calls Minority wedge-tactics, specifically, the ONE DROP RULE, and the nefarious nature of Hapa kids identifying as Asian American. (http://scipoet.tripod.com/hapa). Specifically, Mr. Asiaphile finds issue with his Eurasian offspring becoming "little Asian Maxine Waters', Jesse Jacksons', and Al Sharpton's" - Mr. Asiaphile frames it as HEINOUS to tell Eurasian kids that their politics and the politics of full Asian Americans have similarity, and that to do so is to commit the most disgusting racism of All!!! Letting little Eurasian boys and girls think that they're not good enough ~~To be~~ *TO be equal to* whites.
Mr. Asiaphile surmises that Eurasian kids have the right to believe they are equal to whites, and that they should not get into racial politics about racism and Asian Americans as that would be UNFAIR to their white side.
It goes without saying too, but to a father like Mr. Asiaphile, a circumstance like this? would be disowning. No, for someone like Mr. Asiaphile, there would simply never be an excuse to be racist towards yOuRsElF. Therefore, a Eurasian who gets called a chink should not take that as a time to jump into nasty, Asian racism politics, NO! A true Eurasian, guided by his perfect blend of Eastern/Western culture/genes, would know to not even acknowledge the insult. Because acknowledging the insult would be a drag down into the nefarious One Drop Rule conspiracy, and place an otherwise Good little Eurasian into the BAD, Reverse-Racist One-Dropped-Asian extremist category. A good Eurasian should instead avoid the politics of "Asianness" in general and stick to what they know!! Being beautiful, genius hybrids!!

Have you guessed what Mr. Asiaphile is up to yet? Have you sussed out his plan? What about that now infamous and entertaining list of neo-nazis with Asian wives... what's that all about?

Well, just as with Mr. Asiaphile demanding no Eurasian ever stick up for Asian politics, so to are John Derbyshire, Charles Murray and Richard Spencer doing their part arguing about muh Asian culture and muh high IQ's. For Derbyshire and Murray (godfathers of the alt right and modern race realist movements), this isn't just hypothetical either. And althought John Derbyshire has even gone so far to call his mixed "Danny Mud and Ellie Mud", he STILL DEFENDS EURASIAN GENIUS AND EURASIAN GENETIC SUPERIORITY.
Again, what is all this? What are these WMAF couples doing?
Simply put... They're Petitioning.
A petition for what?

A petition to EXPAND the definition of White. And specifically, a Petition to include the WMAF pairing, and now their offpsring, as an alternative "White" partnership. And this isn't the first time...
Recall now 75 years ago, the War Bride Act https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_Brides_Act
An act that allowed US Servicemen to marry and bring home Japanese/Korean/SE Asian wives, Twenty Years before Anti-miscegenation laws would be found unconstitutional in America.
A demand that in essence was nothing OTHER THAN a Petition by US soldiers, for LITERAL AND LEGAL DECLARATION that Asian women, their war brides, under the laws of Segregated America, be counted as white.
A petition that would be the one of the sole exceptions to segregation.
Fast forward to Mr. Asiaphile, whose lamenting on Eurasians getting too much into Asian politics, CALLING ON EURASIANS TO REJECT BEING ASIAN, now 55 Years AFTER US Soldiers already asked the government to make their Asian wives count as white people. What happened? Why are Eurasians not white yet?
Well... Mr. Asiaphile wondered the same thing... why are Eurasians getting into Asian politics? His response?
"Uh uh uh Black people are corrupting muh kids!!" - a confused, if not facetious answer...
Going down, what the fuck are Derbyshire and Murray, TWO PROMINENT WHITE SUPREMACISTS/RACE REALISTS doing with all this Eurasian shit?

What are they doing when they tell all the other neo nazis about muh Eurasian master race? That it is worth it, fellow neo-nazis, to LET MY KIDS BE WHITE TOO, because they're smart, and cute, from a non-threatening culture... because my Asian wife is hot, because my family loves her, because she's got pale skin anyway, because Asians have IQ's, because the good races have to "team up", and on and on, endless drivel, again, what's it all for?
Expanding whiteness to include WMAF and their children...
Something that has not been achieved in 75 years, nor the other day when an acquaintance confided to me he thought I was ethnically 100% Chinese when we first met. In fact, something I believe, if not KNOW, will NEVER be achieved, and that WMAF will fail regardless, and that means regardless of whether Hapas were to talk about WMAF's far right and racist tendencies every day OR NEVER SAID A WORD ABOUT IT AGAIN.

Why am I so confident this expansion will not happen?
Because so long as there is a nation crafted like America is, with the drive, funding, and ideology of a Settler-white supremacist state on steroids, and so long as that concoction of demons believes that its SURVIVAL rests on not losing world domination and supremacy to a lil' ole place called China, there will NEVER BE, no matter how many cringe-ass, muh high IQ books the open or closed Asiaphile geneticists write, a path to assimilation from Asian-to-white.
Japanese people will never be the Greeks or Italians of yesterday, the Chinese wife of a neo-nazi will still be Chinese (Don't believe me? Ask crushed nazi heart Kathy Zhu!! https://www.reddit.com/hapas/comments/eb24ls/oh_no_leopards_ate_my_face/)

So long as there is a basis to enemy image/dehumanize Asians (again, called China), there will never be a formal expansion of "white". Not happening, write as many blogs as you want, but if it didn't happen back anytime in the last 75 years, its not happening now.

See, I get the feeling that some of y'all think WMAF is IN on the white supremacy. No. They are the kiss-asses of it. The wannabe's, and try, try, try as they might, you CANNOT STOP AMERICAN IMPERIALISM w/ a hot Asia wife!! https://www.reddit.com/trumpconflicts/comments/bwmx8p/a_bridge_to_china_and_elaine_chao_secy_of/

So don't get it confused Hapas. WMAF ain't in on shit. They’re in the same boat us as paddling backwards to make us white. That’s HOW WMAF shows their familial "love" for Eurasians, and That’s also WHY they hate Hapas!! Because in their minds, we’re fucking up their plans just as much as they are ours!! "How muh kid supposed to be white when you keep talking about anti-Asian racism Hapas!?!?!?" Which is all great and lovely, but will actually never work...
And when the other shoe ever does drop, and when we're all up to our eyeballs in Sinophobia, rest assured, those WMAF couples that swore up and down their kid was "just another American" will be begging us for answers....

Unfortunately for them, when that day comes, I don't know if Hapas will have them....
Either way,
Happy Holidays Hapas!
- Love WH
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2019.10.02 20:01 ArKkou Blind daters of reddit: What is the best or worst thing your date did, but you still fell in love with them?

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2019.09.12 19:19 finnagains The 5 Years That Changed Dating - by Ashley Fetters (The Atlantic) September 2019

On the 20th anniversary of The New York Times’ popular Vows column, a weekly feature on notable weddings and engagements launched in 1992, its longtime editor wrote that Vows was meant to be more than just a news notice about society events. It aimed to give readers the backstory on marrying couples and, in the meantime, to explore how romance was changing with the times. “Twenty years ago, as now, most couples told us they’d met through their friends or family, or in college,” wrote the editor, Bob Woletz, in 2012. “For a period that ran into the late 1990s, a number said, often sheepishly, that they had met through personal advertisements.”
But in 2018, seven of the 53 couples profiled in the Vows column met on dating apps. And in the Times’ more populous Wedding Announcements section, 93 out of some 1,000 couples profiled this year met on dating apps—Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, Happn, and other specialized dating apps designed for smaller communities, like JSwipe for Jewish singles and MuzMatch for Muslims. The year before, 71 couples whose weddings were announced by the Times met on dating apps.
Matt Lundquist, a couples therapist based in Manhattan, says he’s started taking on a less excited or expectant tone when he asks young couples and recently formed couples how they met. “Because a few of them will say to me, ‘Uhhh, we met on Tinder’—like, ‘Where else do you think we would have met?’” Plus, he adds, it’s never a good start to therapy when a patient thinks the therapist is behind the times or uncool.
Dating apps originated in the gay community; Grindr and Scruff, which helped single men link up by searching for other active users within a specific geographic radius, launched in 2009 and 2010, respectively. With the launch of Tinder in 2012, iPhone-owning people of all sexualities could start looking for love, or sex, or casual dating, and it quickly became the most popular dating app on the market. But the gigantic shift in dating culture really started to take hold the following year, when Tinder expanded to Android phones, then to more than 70 percent of smartphones worldwide. Shortly thereafter, many more dating apps came online.
There’s been plenty of hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth over how Tinder could reinvent dating: Maybe it would transform the dating scene into an endless virtual marketplace where singles could shop for each other (like an Amazon for human companionship), or perhaps it would turn dating into a minimal-effort, transactional pursuit of on-demand hookups (like an Uber for sex). But the reality of dating in the age of apps is a little more nuanced than that. The relationship economy has certainly changed in terms of how humans find and court their potential partners, but what people are looking for is largely the same as it ever was: companionship and/or sexual satisfaction. Meanwhile, the underlying challenges—the loneliness, the boredom, the roller coaster of hope and disappointment—of being “single and looking,” or single and looking for something, haven’t gone away. They’ve simply changed shape.
Sean Rad and Justin Mateen, two of Tinder’s founders, have said in interviews that the inspiration for Tinder came from their own general dissatisfaction with the lack of dating opportunities that arose naturally—or, as Rad once put it jokingly, “Justin needed help meeting people because he had, what’s that disorder you have where you don’t leave the house?”
Tinder has indeed helped people meet other people—it has expanded the reach of singles’ social networks, facilitating interactions between people who might never have crossed paths otherwise. The 30-year-old Jess Flores of Virginia Beach got married to her first and only Tinder date this past October, and she says they likely would have never met if it weren’t for the app.
For starters, Flores says, the guys she usually went for back in 2014 were what she describes as “sleeve-tattoo” types. Her now-husband Mike, though, was “clean cut, no tattoos. Completely opposite of what I would usually go for.” She decided to take a chance on him after she’d laughed at a funny line in his Tinder bio. (Today, she can no longer remember what it was.)
Plus, Mike lived in the next town over. He wasn’t that far away, “but I didn’t go where he lived to hang out, so I didn’t really mix and mingle with people in other cities,” she says. But after a few weeks of chatting on the app and one failed attempt at meeting up, they ended up on a first date at a local minor-league baseball game, drinking beer and eating hot dogs in the stands.
For Flores and her husband, having access to a bigger pool of fellow single people was a great development. In her first few years out of college, before she met Mike, “I was in the same work routine, around the same people, all the time,” Flores says, and she wasn’t exactly eager to start up a romance with any of them. But then there was Tinder, and then there was Mike.
An expanded radius of potential mates can be a great thing if you’re looking to date or hook up with a broad variety of people who are different from you, says Madeleine Fugère, a professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University who specializes in attraction and romantic relationships. “Normally, if you met someone at school or at work, you would probably already have a lot in common with that person,” Fugere says. “Whereas if you’re meeting someone purely based on geographic location, there’s definitely a greater chance that they would be different from you in some way.”
But there’s also a downside to dating beyond one’s natural social environment. “People who are not very similar to their romantic partners end up at a greater risk for breaking up or for divorce,” she says. Indeed, some daters bemoan the fact that meeting on the apps means dating in a sort of context vacuum. Friends, co-workers, classmates, and/or relatives don’t show up to flesh out the complete picture of who a person is until further on in the timeline of a relationship—it’s unlikely that someone would introduce a blind date to friends right away. In the “old model” of dating, by contrast, the circumstances under which two people met organically could provide at least some measure of common ground between them.
Some also believe that the relative anonymity of dating apps—that is, the social disconnect between most people who match on them—has also made the dating landscape a ruder, flakier, crueler place. For example, says Lundquist, the couples therapist, if you go on a date with your cousin’s roommate, the roommate has some incentive to not be a jerk to you. But with apps, “You’re meeting somebody you probably don’t know and probably don’t have any connections with at a bar on 39th Street. That’s kind of weird, and there’s a greater opportunity for people to be ridiculous, to be not nice.”
Many of the stories of bad behavior Lundquist hears from his patients take place in real life, at bars and restaurants. “I think it’s become more ordinary to stand each other up,” he says, and he’s had many patients (“men and women, though more women among straight folks”) recount to him stories that end with something along the lines of, “Oh my God, I got to the bar and he sat down and said, ‘Oh. You don’t look like what I thought you looked like,’ and walked away.”
But other users complain of rudeness even in early text interactions on the app. Some of that nastiness could be chalked up to dating apps’ dependence on remote, digital communication; the classic “unsolicited dick pic sent to an unsuspecting match” scenario, for example. Or the equally familiar tirade of insults from a match who’s been rebuffed, as Anna Xiques, a 33-year-old advertising copywriter based in Miami, experienced. In an essay on Medium in 2016 (cleverly titled “To the One That Got Away on Bumble”), she chronicled the time she frankly told a Bumble match she’d been chatting with that she wasn’t feeling it, only to be promptly called a cunt and told she “wasn’t even pretty.” (Bumble, launched in 2014 with the former Tinder executive Whitney Wolfe Herd at its helm, markets itself as a more women-friendly dating app because of its unique feature designed to curb unwanted messages: In heterosexual matches, the woman has to initiate chatting.)
Sometimes this is just how things go on dating apps, Xiques says. She’s been using them off and on for the past few years for dates and hookups, even though she estimates that the messages she receives have about a 50-50 ratio of mean or gross to not mean or gross. She’s only experienced this kind of creepy or hurtful behavior when she’s dating through apps, not when dating people she’s met in real-life social settings. “Because, obviously, they’re hiding behind the technology, right? You don’t have to actually face the person,” she says.
Perhaps the quotidian cruelty of app dating exists because it’s relatively impersonal compared with setting up dates in real life. “More and more people relate to this as a volume operation,” says Lundquist, the couples therapist. Time and resources are limited, while matches, at least in theory, are not. Lundquist mentions what he calls the “classic” scenario in which someone is on a Tinder date, then goes to the bathroom and talks to three other people on Tinder. “So there’s a willingness to move on more quickly,” he says, “but not necessarily a commensurate increase in skill at kindness.”
Holly Wood, who wrote her Harvard sociology dissertation last year on singles’ behaviors on dating sites and dating apps, heard a lot of these ugly stories too. And after speaking to more than 100 straight-identifying, college-educated men and women in San Francisco about their experiences on dating apps, she firmly believes that if dating apps didn’t exist, these casual acts of unkindness in dating would be far less common. But Wood’s theory is that people are meaner because they feel like they’re interacting with a stranger, and she partly blames the short and sweet bios encouraged on the apps.
“OkCupid,” she remembers, “invited walls of text. And that, for me, was really important. I’m one of those people who wants to feel like I have a sense of who you are before we go on a first date. Then Tinder”—which has a 500-character limit for bios—“happened, and the shallowness in the profile was encouraged.”
Wood also found that for some respondents (especially male respondents), apps had effectively replaced dating; in other words, the time other generations of singles might have spent going on dates, these singles spent swiping. Many of the men she talked to, Wood says, “were saying, ‘I’m putting so much work into dating and I’m not getting any results.’” When she asked what exactly they were doing, they said, “I’m on Tinder for hours every day.”
“We pretend that’s dating because it looks like dating and says it’s dating,” Wood says.
Wood’s academic work on dating apps is, it’s worth mentioning, something of a rarity in the broader research landscape. One big challenge of knowing how dating apps have affected dating behaviors, and in writing a story like this one, is that most of these apps have only been around for half a decade—hardly long enough for well-designed, relevant longitudinal studies to even be funded, let alone conducted.
Of course, even the absence of hard data hasn’t stopped dating experts—both people who study it and people who do a lot of it—from theorizing. There’s a popular suspicion, for example, that Tinder and other dating apps might make people pickier or more reluctant to settle on a single monogamous partner, a theory that the comedian Aziz Ansari spends a lot of time on in his 2015 book, Modern Romance, written with the sociologist Eric Klinenberg.
Eli Finkel, however, a professor of psychology at Northwestern and the author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage, rejects that notion. “Very smart people have expressed concern that having such easy access makes us commitment-phobic,” he says, “but I’m not actually that worried about it.” Research has shown that people who find a partner they’re really into quickly become less interested in alternatives, and Finkel is fond of a sentiment expressed in a 1997 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology paper on the subject: “Even if the grass is greener elsewhere, happy gardeners may not notice.”
Like the anthropologist Helen Fisher, Finkel believes that dating apps haven’t changed happy relationships much—but he does think they’ve lowered the threshold of when to leave an unhappy one. In the past, there was a step in which you’d have to go to the trouble of “getting dolled up and going to a bar,” Finkel says, and you’d have to look at yourself and say, “What am I doing right now? I’m going out to meet a guy. I’m going out to meet a girl,” even though you were in a relationship already. Now, he says, “you can just tinker around, just for a sort of a goof; swipe a little just ’cause it’s fun and playful. And then it’s like, oh—[suddenly] you’re on a date.”
The other subtle ways in which people believe dating is different now that Tinder is a thing are, quite frankly, innumerable. Some believe that dating apps’ visual-heavy format encourages people to choose their partners more superficially (and with racial or sexual stereotypes in mind); others argue that humans choose their partners with physical attraction in mind even without the help of Tinder. There are equally compelling arguments that dating apps have made dating both more awkward and less awkward by allowing matches to get to know each other remotely before they ever meet face-to-face—which can in some cases create a weird, sometimes tense first few minutes of a first date.
And for some singles in the LGBTQ community, dating apps like Tinder and Bumble have been a small miracle. They can help users locate other LGBTQ singles in an area where it might otherwise be hard to know—and their explicit spelling-out of what gender or genders a user is interested in can mean fewer awkward initial interactions. Other LGBTQ users, however, say they’ve had better luck finding dates or hookups on dating apps other than Tinder, or even on social media. “Twitter in the gay community is kind of like a dating app now. Tinder doesn’t do too well,” says Riley Rivera Moore, a 21-year-old based in Austin. Riley’s wife Niki, 23, says that when she was on Tinder, a good portion of her potential matches who were women were “a couple, and the woman had created the Tinder profile because they were looking for a ‘unicorn,’ or a third person.” That said, the recently married Rivera Moores met on Tinder.
But perhaps the most consequential change to dating has been in where and how dates get initiated—and where and how they don’t.
When Ingram Hodges, a freshman at the University of Texas at Austin, goes to a party, he goes there expecting only to hang out with friends. It’d be a pleasant surprise, he says, if he happened to talk to a cute girl there and ask her to hang out. “It wouldn’t be an abnormal thing to do,” he says, “but it’s just not as common. When it does happen, people are surprised, taken aback.”
I pointed out to Hodges that when I was a freshman in college—all of 10 years ago—meeting cute people to go on a date with or to hook up with was the point of going to parties. But being 18, Hodges is relatively new to both Tinder and dating in general; the only dating he’s known has been in a post-Tinder world. When Hodges is in the mood to flirt or go on a date, he turns to Tinder (or Bumble, which he jokingly calls “classy Tinder”), where sometimes he finds that other UT students’ profiles include instructions like “If I know you from school, don’t swipe right on me.”
Hodges knows that there was a time, way back in the day, when people mostly met through school, or work, or friends, or family. But for people his age, Hodges says, “dating has become isolated from the rest of social life.”
Hailey, a financial-services professional in Boston (who asked to only be identified by her first name because her last name is a unique one and she’d prefer to not be recognizable in work contexts), is considerably older than Hodges, but even at 34, she sees the same phenomenon in action. She and her boyfriend met on Tinder in 2014, and they soon discovered that they lived in the same neighborhood. Before long, they realized that they’d probably even seen each other around before they met.
Still, she says, “we would have never interacted had it not been for Tinder. He’s not going out all the time. I’m not going out all the time. The reality is, if he is out at a bar, he’s hanging with his friends.
“And he’s not gonna be like, ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ as we’re both getting milk or something at the grocery store,” she adds. “I don’t see that happening at all anymore.”
The Atlantic’s Kate Julian found something similar in her recent story on why today’s young people are having less sex than prior generations:
Another woman fantasized to me about what it would be like to have a man hit on her in a bookstore … But then she seemed to snap out of her reverie, and changed the subject to Sex and the City reruns and how hopelessly dated they seem. “Miranda meets Steve at a bar,” she said, in a tone suggesting that the scenario might as well be out of a Jane Austen novel, for all the relevance it had to her life.
There’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg effect when it comes to Tinder and the disentanglement of dating from the rest of social life. It’s possible, certainly, that dating apps have erected walls between the search for potential partners and the normal routines of work and community. But it’s also possible that dating apps thrive in this particular moment in history because people have stopped looking for potential partners while they go about their work and community routines.
Finkel, for one, believes that the new boundaries between romance and other forms of social interaction have their benefits—especially in a time when what constitutes sexual harassment, especially in the workplace, is being renegotiated. “People used to meet people at work, but my God, it doesn’t seem like the best idea to do that right now,” Finkel says. “For better or worse, people are setting up firmer boundaries between the personal and the professional. And we’re figuring all that stuff out, but it’s kind of a tumultuous time.” Meanwhile, he says, dating apps offer separate environments where finding dates or sex is the point.
But, naturally, with the compartmentalization of dating comes the notion that if you want to be dating, you have to be active on the apps. And that can make the whole process of finding a partner, which essentially boils down to semi-blind date after semi-blind date, feel like a chore or a dystopian game show. As my colleague Julie Beck wrote in 2016,
Now that the shine of novelty has worn off these apps, they aren’t fun or exciting anymore. They’ve become a normalized part of dating. There’s a sense that if you’re single, and you don’t want to be, you need to do something to change that. If you just sit on your butt and wait to see if life delivers you love, then you have no right to complain. 
Hailey has heard her friends complain that dating now feels like a second, after-hours job; Twitter is rife with sentiments similar in tone. It’s not uncommon nowadays to hear singles say wistfully that they’d just like to meet someone in real life.
Of course, it’s quite possible that this is a new problem created by the solving of an old one.
A decade ago, the complaint that Lundquist, the couples therapist, heard most often was, “Boy, I just don’t meet any interesting people.” Now, he says, “it’s more like, ‘Oh, God, I meet all these not-interesting people.’”
“It’s cliche to say, but it’s a numbers game,” Lundquist adds. “So the assumption is, the odds are pretty good that [any given date] will suck, but, you know. Whatever. You’ve gotta do it.”
Finkel, for his part, puts it a little more bluntly. To him, there’s one thing that all these wistful romantics, longing for the days of yore when people met in real life, are missing: that Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge—like eHarmony, OkCupid, and Match.com before them—exist because meeting in real life is really hard.
“I’m not saying that it’s not a hassle to go on bad dates. It is a nuisance. You could be hanging out with your friends, you could be sleeping, you could be reading a book,” he says. But, Finkel adds, singletons of generations past would “break out the world’s smallest violin” for young people who complain about Tinder dates becoming a chore.
“It’s like, Ugh so many dates, and they’re just not that interesting,” Finkel adds with a laugh. “It used to be hard to find someone to date!” https://outline.com/pcJyA6
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2019.08.23 06:13 csqueen98 Just found out that one of my [24/f] best friends is a backstabbing bitch... now what?

Background: I am part of a close knit group of 5 women. We have been best friends for 10+ years, and are now at the stage of dating for marriage. We all have fairly similar interests and personalities and are all looking for the same type of guy "on paper"... Additionally, in our community, we have a "blind date" system where daters give out their friends contact info to serve as character references. Getting appropriate dates is hard... and in order for the system to work, we must all support each other…
Story: This morning, a guy called me to ask reference information about one of my best friends. I said the loveliest information (of course) and the guy seemed shocked. He reported that he had spoken to another one of this woman's references, another one of our best friends, and had heard very negative information. It seems as though our "friend" had made up stories about this woman's past, personality, and character traits. I assured him that everything he had heard was a lie, but I don't think he was convinced...
After we hung up, I called up and confronted our bitchy, backstabbing "best friend" to find out her end of the story. She admitted to saying bad information, but claims that "she only spoke the truth" (which is a lie).
I believe that this backstabbing friend is jealous of our other friend for getting dates with quality, intelligent people. The backstabber is not conventionally attractive, and has a hard time finding guys to go out with. Nevertheless, her actions are wrong, and can have detrimental effects on our other friend's dating prospects.
I'm at a loss as to where to go from here. Should I tell the friend who was spoken about what happened? That her closest best friend stabbed her in the back? Should I move on, and pretend this never happened, and hope our friendships all continue as they were before? I don't think I'll ever be able to look at the backstabbing "friend" the same way again, but I know that if I tattle on her, our whole friendship group will fall apart.
I don't have so many friends, and cant afford to lose my core group. Additionally, the "backstabber" is more powerful/popular than I am in our "group", so there's a chance she can turn on me, and get me kicked out of the group.
I'm really not sure how to proceed from here. Please advise me.
submitted by csqueen98 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2019.06.27 21:02 who_likes_fridays Blind daters of Reddit, what was your worst “I’m not like other girls/guys” date?

submitted by who_likes_fridays to AskReddit [link] [comments]


2017.11.10 23:47 justessforall1 15 Taylor theory DOES work!!!!

Now, some of these are a stretch, not going to lie... but I think that it really can fit. So, I think the Taylor's ARE out of order, and we were wrong on the LWYMMD. I am just going to go in order they appear (left to right) in the music video.
1. Biker Taylor
...Ready for it? While this may seem like a stretch to some, I think bikebadass Taylor represents this song. RFI is something Tay has never done. It's something different, edgy, attitude-y, and overall just a song I correlate to the color black. This Taylor also seems to strong, and fearless (the video of LWYMMD she's lifting the bike and whatnot). That to me is seen in this song.
2. Blind for love Taylor
I think this song represents King of my heart. Blind for Taylor is someone that takes no prisoners. She's robbing the streaming company in the music video, and she is just unapologetic to her beliefs. KOMH seems to have the same attitude. The outfit itself is humorous and satirical towards how people think she is someone that is some cat lady who is "blind for love". KOMH is just the opposite, she has settled down with someone who is the king of her world (and bedroom), and she knows people will STILL call her the crazy cat lady who is out to sleep with whoever she wants.
*3. Reputation Taylor *
End game. A song about Taylor and her reputation. How people see her as this person she isn't. I also think the visual fits with the song. Dark, badass... you know.
4. Red Taylor
Getaway car. I think Red represents this because that was labeled as "circus ring Taylor". As the song states "A circus aint a love story". Also, some of the lyrics remind me of a classic song found on RED the album. * There were sirens in the beat of your heart, Shoulda know I’d be the first to leave. * The ties were black, the lies were white, The shades of grey in candle light. (color imagery * The entire album RED makes me think of driving in your car on a fall day down backroads with all the colored leaves. Song is a called getaway car. I would listen to RED while in that getaway car.
5. CMA Taylor
Dress. I had a hard time with this one, I won't lie. BUT in the end, Dress is a sexy anthem that talks about buying a dress just to see it on the floor. It's a more gentle song that could be done acoustically. It could represent the past that she tried to hide. She was never allowed to sexy or risqué... she never mentioned sex.. She barely mentioned it in 1989 "His clothes are on my bedroom floor" and that was the sexiest thing she had ever done. But her sexual nature has gone way back, she could just never express it.
*6. Receipts Taylor *
Look what you made me do: Obvs. I started to think that maybe "this is why we can't have nice things" would actually be this song. BUT anyway.
7. VMA Taylor
This is why we can't have nice things. I feel like this doesn't need an explanation.
8. Met Gala Taylor
Call it what you want. At first, it sounds kind of off, I know. BUT bare with me for a second. CIWYW is clearly about Joe. who she met at the Gala. Everyone thought this Tay represented gorgeous. However, listening to CIWYW I imagine just a light, pretty song that represents a love like no other. People are still calling her many things at this point in her life. It was a low point in her life. When I look at Taylor in the Gala dress, the imagery matches the sound. In my opinion. Not all songs were chosen because the sound matches the look. But when I was listening to CIWYW I just couldn't stop starring at Met Gala. Not only did she meet him there (and didn't date until later), but I think that at that point Taylor's reputation went completely downhill.
9. Choreo Taylor
Don't blame me. I think this song is sassy and has dark undertones. I also think that it involves the same idea as the dark choreo Taylor. If Lorde and Hozier's music had a baby.. it would be this song... and look.
10.Junior Jewels Taylor
Gorgeous. Again, bare with me. You belong with me was the ultimate album of singing into a hairbrush in your room. It was the fun lip-synch every talent show kind of song. I see that as gorgeous. While Nice Things is a great song to do that as well... I see gorgeous as the song you sing while your adult friends are drinking wine getting ready for the night. Just a fun bop. Also, YBWM is about wanting a guy you can't have. An adultish-similarity. Roles reversed, but in the end... each person belongs with her.
11. Out of the woods Zombie Taylor
Delicate. Delicate is about knowing your reputation and someone still loves you. They choose to love you. You're scared that your reputation will scare them away, and wondering if it's okay that you like them. Zombie Taylor is the death of her reputation, and she's settling down now.
12. Shake it off Taylor
Dancing with hands tied. "Dancing like it was the first time" compared to "Dancing on my own". SIO Taylor was clumsy in the video, trying to find herself. Much like DWOHT she is trying to find footing in the new relationship.
13. Snake Taylor
I did something bad. I think snake Taylor represents this perfectly. Taylor admits blame, and has owned the fact she has made mistakes. The lyrics fit perfectly IMO. "I never trust a narcissist, but they love me So I play 'em like a violin And I make it look oh-so-easy 'Cause for every lie I tell them, they tell me three This is how the world works Now all he thinks about is me". I think that those are lyrics that describe a snake. She owned it.
14. Birdcage Taylor
So it goes. I think the imagery matches the outfit. Also, the lyrics:
See you in the dark, All eyes on you, my magician. All eyes on us. You make everyone disappear, and Cut me into pieces Gold cage, hostage to my feelings Back against the wall Trippin', trip-trippin' when you're gone." She was singing in the gold cage. Looking like she was being held hostage by everyone. Again, I think that the imagery also matches the look.
15. Chainsaw Taylor
New Years Day. The entire album is about the reputation she had. The serial dater, the snake, the hider... everything. New Years day is a fresh start. It's someone that she loves. It's the start of something new (100% singing high school musical now). It's the idea of chipping up her entire reputation (the plane) and destroying it. Owning it and taking control. New Years Day is about after all the parties are over, and everyone's gone home, you're sitting there. Cleaning up. All the good, bad and ugly with this person. Chainsaw Taylor destroyed her own reputation, and is starting fresh. Which is what NYD is about. Also, "Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you". The chainsaw is her taking a cut to each of the labels and memories she has as those labels.
Overall, there were a couple stretches... but I think it works. This is for fun, so please no "You're wrong, shut up"
submitted by justessforall1 to TaylorSwift [link] [comments]


2017.11.08 02:36 masbond84 Endgame #2

Hayley & Blair (Season 26, 3rd place)
mjharmstone
I am an incredibly huge apologist for 26. I love the twist, I love the cast and I love how completely silly and wacky the characters on the season end up being. I mean, we got an actual petition complaining about how (eventual winners!) Laura & Tyler treated a tuber. Enter the utter stars of the season – Blair & Hayley. On paper, they seem like a perfect match – he’s a charismatic doctor, she’s a bubbly nurse. And just like a particular team that I will be getting to very shortly, that is about the end of their similarities. They’re incredibly competitive, driven, focused, and also utterly crazy. This culminates in the ICONIC (in every sense of the word) fight on the streets of Amsterdam, giving us the picture that I never knew I needed in the wonky helmet shot. It also helps that Hayley is an incredibly good sport (also not the last time I’ll be saying that phrase) about everything – she knew she was kinda crazy, she knew that people would maybe not like her and she owned it. She responded with class and dignity to a lot of inappropriate jokes that were made about her and has actually reached out to both Dana & Brooke in successive seasons to offer her support. The fact that you can have a team member where they’re both crazy and kind is amazing to me, 29 seasons in. I’ve not mentioned Blair much here, and he works so well (as with many great teams) as a straight man to a lot of Hayley’s antics. In the same way that Flo & Zach work as a team because you have the big character playing off against a straight man intensifies how awesome they are. It’s worth mentioning that – despite Production’s best efforts – they didn’t end up finding love with each other. Instead, she’s found a husband, and from what I’ve heard, he’s with a winner who’s been strongly compared to Hayley. Unlike Jeff & Jackie, nobody really believed they were a true match, but instead they became friends and a worthy winning team (at least in my head).
masbond84
I know going into the season, a lot of people were skeptical about how the season will turn out. I always go in with an open mind and I think generally, most of the blind dates works better than the dating couples. And the breakout star definitely has to be Hayley & Blair. They are two photogenic humans who seem to look good together. And right from the start, we realise that okay, this team is definitely not gonna work. LOL. I'm not gonna lie, Hayley annoyed me in the beginning. And props to Blair, he realised soon enough they are never gonna work out but still managed to keep his cool. They definitely grew on me though and for the most part, they were quite the competent team. They definitely were the highlight of the season. I'm glad they seems to remain frens outside the race but yeah this team definitely is a reason why the blind date thing works out. And not because of the "dating" concept but that 2 strangers put together works for great TV.
supacoowacky
You guys are going to listen to my rankdown, right? You're gonna listen, right? Some of the pre-determined pairs that producers chose for TAR 26 didn't quite work out as planned. Tyler & Laura. Kurt & Bergen. And to a lesser extent, Jenny & Jelani. But producers could have never expected Hayley & Blair to play off of each other as well as they did. In fact, Hayley & Blair's relationship was so good that it is probably ninety percent of the reason why producers were willing to take a chance with an all-stranger season just three seasons later. Most of the fun moments of TAR 26 can be traced back to Hayley & Blair. Hayley doesn't know how to wear a helmet. Hayley's video they show at the start of the premiere which initially makes you think she is naked when recording it. Blair's “What's wrong with your head?” comment. Struggling at the start of the season which is followed by late season shared dominance with Tyler & Laura. Hayley forming a crush on Hagan the attractive bush pilot. Hayley being right about nearly everything all season until she chokes on her final Roadblock of the season. Simultaneously hilarious and tragic. It's tough to picture TAR 26 as a fun season without Hayley & Blair. I mean, you've still got Mike & Rochelle, Jeff & Jackie's sex tapes, CJ & Libby's #selfiefail, Matt freaking out over Metal Castle, and Tyler spitting on potatoes to offend random Americans enough that they created a petition to have them banned from a show that was already taped, but Hayley & Blair are truly the heart and soul of the all-stranger concept.
jlim201
The main result of blind date, they are two people that just don’t get along at all, constant conflict and lots of entertainment.
eauxpsifourgott
I imagine most people love this team for the blowups that they'd get into, but I love them as a fascinating case study in putting together strangers with different skills. Blair is pretty much a challenge beast, while Hayley has more of the navigational smarts to help them get from place to place. Of course, Blair often decides he doesn't need to listen to Hayley, causing their fights. I also love them because over the course of the race, they learn how to work together and end up swapping from a stupid blind date into BFFs, making them more rootable as well. Blair is also the blind-dater who I found I could sympathize most with going into the season.
survivorharvey
We were all skeptical about the blind date twist at the start, but I'd like to say it worked out because it gave us these 2 magnificent human beings. "I'M ALWAYS RIGHT AND YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME BLAIR"
ChaoticMidget
At first glance, I thought they’d be an amazing pair. Similar professional fields, different personalities but they say that people are meant to balance each out. Right from the get go, you could sense some tension. Blair prefers non-complainers, Hayley admits she can be somewhat high maintenance. She tells him she was worried he “wouldn’t like silly little blondes” and Blair doesn’t even really give an answer. Hayley talks about how she’s actually attracted to Blair and in the past, she’s been on dates with two men who had wives. It’s actually incredible how much awkwardness they managed to fit in the first 20 minutes of the first episode. Early on, it becomes quite apparent Hayley is a big talker with minimal filter and her heart on her sleeve while Blair is prone to sarcasm and silence. The next leg didn’t do much to improve their relationship. Blair isn’t particularly good at giving words of encouragement during the puzzle roadblock and they continued to struggle at the skating challenge. Leg 3 continued the trend of Blair being wrong but not listening while Hayley is right but harping on Blair for what feels like an excessive amount of time. It’s hard to completely hold it against her since she wants to make sure their partnership does things correctly but man, does she not let things go. In leg 4, they literally start off with Blair accepting that Hayley will insist on making decisions, Hayley ceding leadership to Blair and then seconds later, Hayley telling Blair where they should go. And of course, Blair gives an amazingly timed side-eye to the camera before giving up control to Hayley again. Part of me wasn’t a fan of how Blair often shut down in terms of communication but his sarcasm and comedic timing is amongst the best I’ve ever seen on the show. It got to the point that other teams were starting to comment on how utterly dysfunctional they are. Leg 5, more of the same. Hayley talking out loud and Blair trying to interject, both of them talking past each other. It was honestly a miracle that they made it 5 legs and I was fully expecting a full team meltdown at any point.
Then the impossible happened. Hayley and Blair change from frustrating to hilarious. As if it wasn’t clear enough that these two weren’t compatible, they fully embrace it when they talk about how Hayley finds her pilot super cute. And this is really the point at which I think Hayley & Blair become an all time great team. If their relationship had just stayed what it was in the first half of the season, I would have written them off. But when Hayley and Blair are both just willing to give each other crap at the pit stop interview, it turns into one of the most hilarious duos I’ve personally ever watched. Blair throwing Hayley under the bus at the desert airdrop was fantastic. Hayley genuinely tries to encourage Blair at the Klompen roadblock and Blair comes in with the classic line of “It was so sweet. Oh my god. I had chills the whole time.” They had a cute and romantic side by side bike ride after coming to the conclusion that Blair was being a jerk by riding in front. Of course, all good things must come to an end. Blair has another one of us “don’t listen to Hayley moments” and Hayley has a huge meltdown. I honestly don’t think the show has ever focused on a team fighting as much as they did on Hayley and Blair since Flo & Zach. But unlike previous legs, they recover quickly and shrug it off.
Another leg, another blowup and some more fantastic imagery of Hayley chopping Blair’s head off with a machete. On the other hand, it’s mixed with some actual praise by Hayley for Blair being able to speak Spanish. And the leg 10 pit stop shows why I grew to love their team. At times, they hated each other but they find a way to make it work, making jokes along the way. And that attitude leads to two wins going into the finale. The funny thing was when both Jelani & Jenny and Laura & Tyler both adopted the mentality that they can’t handle losing to Hayley & Blair.
And then the last leg happens. And really, it couldn’t have been more fitting to describe their entire experience on the race. Hayley winds up doing the last roadblock after arriving first and finds the wrong location. That mistake ultimately costs them the race. But also in a beautifully heartfelt moment, Blair gives Hayley a piggyback ride and does a few donuts with a gorgeous sunset in the background.
Hayley & Blair are a unique team in many ways for me. They’re one of the few teams I’ve ever changed my opinion about twice in a season. I wanted to like them, found myself not liking either after 3-4 episodes and then loving them by the end. I normally hate bickering teams the most but their relationship, specifically the evolution of their relationship, is one of my favorites of all time. Blair’s sense of humor was legendary and eventually, they managed to play off each other in a way that I don’t think many other teams do on the show. Of all the teams that have been on the show, I’d be hard pressed to find another team where the two individuals are as dynamic as these two.
Average Ranking: 5.29
mjharmstone: 3
masbond84: 11
supacoowacky: 8
jlim201: 4
eauxpsifourgott: 7
survivorharvey: 3
ChaoticMidget: 1
submitted by masbond84 to TARRankdown [link] [comments]


2017.01.30 01:59 anotherdatingthrow [request]dating opinion for an anxious, non dater who has started dating

So i went on a date that i think went well with a girl early in Jan, im new to dating so I would have been happy with a neutral hug as a goodbye, got a pec on the cheek and some casual jokes texting immediately after we said goodbye for the journey home ( i live an hour away from where we went, she lives 20 mins away) she even said "it had crossed my mind to ask you back fro a smoke but there'll be plenty of time for that when you move to _____ (i am moving to where we went on a date very soon) .
Anyway we've been texting and joking etc but the first week after i was ill, second weekend she said she was broke til payday and it could be my anxiety but shes not been very responsive this week.
although im 30 ive never really done dating (relationships kinda just fell into place, or i was single and not seeking) and i'd like to get to know her better but at the same time i am paranoid im just being blind to something even though when we do talk its only good. It's probably my anxiety and the fact that until i move out i am unemployed with too much time to think and she works full time.
i dont even really know what my question is, i just hate dating and im trying to distract myself. When i move out I can literally say "dinner at mine?" (she already said that sounds good, its free and near) and if she aint interested i can rule her out. I guess im just paranoid and anxious.
Sorry if this seems like the ramblings of a hopeless dater (it is)
idk, a little inside knowledge on basic post-dating (the inbetween dating stuff?) would be greatly appreciated
thanks
submitted by anotherdatingthrow to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2017.01.20 10:34 meerkat3 I'm [29f] whose ex baby daddy [26m] cheated on his new gf with me

I feel so crummy. I have a 2 1/2 yr old son and really wanted things to work out between my sons father and I. Things were never ideal, I submitted a post two years ago re: the situation. To make a long story short, I went through with my pregnancy, my sons father was involved and turned out to be a pretty hands on father. Regardless of his shortcomings, I love my sons father very much and yes, perhaps love is blind. Commitment was always an issue and something that never improved even though things appeared to be on the up and up and I thought we might actually have a chance at surviving and becoming a full time family. He never moved in, but would spend most of his free time with my son and I. About 6 months ago, in June of 2016 I was completely blindsided to find out he was talking to a girl behind my back. Part of me wishes I had been strong enough to walk away a long time ago, but the family ideal pull was so much stronger. I made the mistake of thinking we were in a committed relationship. He of course the "overlapper dater: claims that he was unhappy in our relationship for the past year, even though we were still sleeping together and romantically involved and there was no sign of him being unhappy. I was devastated and shocked by his actions. We had just come back from a family vacation and were intimate over memorial day weekend and then I came across emails of him meeting someone for lunch and just the usual mo. He was interested in someone else and I'm not sure when he planned on telling me or if he would have continued to keep it a secret and still be around and act like a family to the same capacity. I really felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks and to top it off, I just received my dream job, so I was starting a new job and dealing with the demise of our relationship and a extreme change in our family life. I reached out to the girl and she of course ignored me and never responded and I'm sure he painted me out to be the crazy baby mama. It was completely devastating, I know someone like this isn't worthy of my time and affection, but having a child makes this interaction even that more painful. He still hasn't had an honest conversation with me and I feel like I don't have closure. I am level headed enough to co-parent with him and be cordial and have the best interest of my son. But it still hurts a lot and it's definitely a wound that is going to take some time to heal. We have an arranged visitation schedule and I did go a month without having contact with him, except when it pertained to our son and he would pick up our son at a family members house. I needed to allow myself some time to grieve and just couldn't stand to see him for some time. The hurt was just too unbearable. I felt strong enough to see him and now I have no problem with drop offs and pick ups, but lately I have been allowing him to see our son twice during the week, because of our schedules and the limited time we have after work. I have allowed him to visit our son at home. Since November he has been kind of flirty and he is always complimenting me on how good I look, etc.. I brush it off and really didn't want to fall into this trap. I know he has not changed and he has nothing to offer, but I can't deny that the attraction is still very much there. We ended up kissing around the thanksgiving holiday, but I didn't let anything else happen. We went some time without any kind of interaction like that, but then again when he dropped our son off on Christmas Eve, he was flirty again with me and one thing led to another and we slept together for the first time in like 6 months. He has admitted to still having feelings for me, and continues to make inappropriate banter and is very flirtatious with me. It's so hard not to let him lure me back in, we have a history and there is still a connection. We went about a week with self control, but then again on New Years Eve, we slept together. I feel incredibly guilty, used and stupid. It happened again last night, it was amazing and it really felt like old times. I just don't want to continue to allow my heart to go through such turmoil. He said he was sorry and told me to pinky promise that we wouldn't sleep together again under these circumstances and that if we are meant to be, we would be. It just hurts so much. He is often telling me how introspective he is about us, etc... I know he has made a mistake, but he isn't necessarily begging for my forgiveness and I feel like such a fool. I need to move on, he is cheating on this girl and that does not make me feel like a good person. Even though she is guilty of the same charges. I am level headed enough to do what is best for my son and things are going well on that front, but the whole other stuff has me so confused and frustrated. I am really ready to settle down and stop playing stupid games. I would like to believe that we are meant to be, but I feel so delusional. If he truly cared and loved me like he says he does, he wouldn't be playing these games. Has anyone ever been in this situation, did it take three years or how many years? I am enjoying this time being single and focusing on myself and my son, I know it has only been six months, but I just can't imagine myself with anyone else. I have tried dating and I know he is still very much in my heart, but I don't feel the same level of attraction with anyone else. He was the love of my life.
submitted by meerkat3 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2016.12.09 15:14 CanYouFeelItNow [AMA Request] Someone who has been on the MTV Show Next

The good ole' 2005-2008 MTV show Next. Where one single person (bachelobachelorette) goes on blind dates with up to 5 other single people who are waiting for their chance on the "Next Bus". And the bachelobachelorette could end each date at any time by shouting "Next". Each dater would get $1 for each minute they last on the date. Yes, some people would step one step off the bus and get nexted, it was hilarious and a MTV reality classic.
 
Questions
submitted by CanYouFeelItNow to AMA [link] [comments]


2016.09.24 03:57 TiomoidIordain Help! Teacher looking for a play

Help please! I am a music teacher that has been handed a drama department along with music in my first year of teaching. I have a lot of musical theatre/opera experience, but I'm still stumbling around the world of plays, and am doing my best to provide something of quality for my students (we are an urban school, and have music but no drama department).
I'm looking for a short one act play I did a long time ago. There is a man and a woman on a blind date, and two other actors play their alter egos that say the daters thoughts. It's a long shot that such little information will help track down a title, but Reddit has come through for me before.
I thought the name of the play was "Blind Date", but no plays I've found with that title are the one I remember. This might be just a scene titled blind date from a larger dramatic work. Thanks in advance!!
submitted by TiomoidIordain to Theatre [link] [comments]


2016.09.23 05:44 vivir66 Me [24M] having weird a situation with my best friends [24M] wife [23F].

tl;dr: My best friends wife suddenly doesnt wanna be friends with me and made it really hard to meet with my friend, and I have no clue whats going on. Can someone get any clarity from it?
 
I dont know how detailed I gotta be, but I seriously dont get it, whats her problem with me, so maybe everything is important? Here we go...
I have always been a gay guy (even before I knew I was gay) who makes friends with girls easier than guys, in fact my first true guy friend was Bruno.
We meet on 5th grade but our friendship started on 6th grade and stayed strong ever since, even tho we didnt study together on highschool and stuff, we stayed friends.
 
His wife (Ceci) is a girl he met on highschool, but only ever had any romantic desires for her two years ago. I dont know much about their story, but she was his first real girlfriend and love to leave the platonic. Me and Brunos other friend got to meet her before they were serious, on a group meeting he decided to bring her, it was sort of a "do you aprove her guys?" moment, and right then I already knew Ceci made him super happy, and she was actually quite fun so we werent lying when we aproved of her.
Things move foward, we got to know more about her and their relation moved foward, what i learned about Ceci is that shes very strong minded about some subjects (like things pushed by society bother her, like looks, marriage, etc), that shes stubborn too, but generally a kind and funny person.
 
They moved in together, and my friendship with both of them continued and grew as time moved. I was unemployed so when they needed help to receive new furniture or repairs on their new apartment, I always offered help, I was constantly staying over to help with something. My relationship with her got to the point I considered her one of good friend on my view, I even visited their apartment to talk with her in multiple ocasions, she studied design and i did some audiovisual study so, we had some similar stuff to talk about besides normal talk, she even gifted me a blend modes tutorial book!
Their wedding was completely weird. She was 100% against wearing a ring, and being married, its one of the society things she hates, but her grandma is very oldschool in her thoughs and pressured a lot. Bruno was happy to do it, Ceci was the one who didnt want to, and on my visits I just got to hear a lot of complaining from her, and on how she wants to get out of the situation... pretty much she made all the joy of getting married go away in my view, and my excitement for my best friends wedding died there. I also wasnt proppely invited, one day Bruno just dropped me a "so, it gonna happen this saturday, wanna come?". It was focused on her family, pretty much the reason it was happening was to make her grandmother happy (her grandma was aparently calling her a "slut" for living with a man she isnt married to), or thats what i felt from it, and she didnt wanna do it... So turns out i didnt even go, I love weddings but she literally killed that one for me, I regret not trying harder to go tho, maybe i could have convinced myself, but I digress.
I never told her about that tho, our friendship kept on as normal. I went as far as trying to teach her english for free as a request from Bruno (we are from Brazil btw, english speakers arent that common but she knew the basics already). While my english isnt perfect (sorry any mistakes on the post btw), I did learn it by myself, so it was fun to try and teach using the metodes I used on myself, plus it gave us some bonding time. She was really bad at paying attention, so I had to be creative on the lessons, I really put some effort on it and found a way she actually paid attention and enjoyed it, but then 3 weeks after she said, in a rude dismissive way, "So, ~those~ english lessons, I dont want them anymore." Needless to say I got hurt, but tried to dismiss it, that was on the begining still...
 
Fast foward a year. Things are still fine, never a fight between her and bruno or me and her that i know about at least. Things where so fine that at some point we started having some gaming nights at their apartment, and she participated on every one of them having fun playing blackjack, bro force, etc, there was a lot of other videogames and card games, it was one of my most fond memories.
She last month even tried to set me a blind date with another gay friend of hers, but my preffered body type is chubby guys, so it didnt work out (and just in case anyone thinks she might be jealous, well, maybe, but i never felt anything romantic towards Bruno and hes a skinny super tall guy, not even close to my type and she knows it... its not likely).
 
But then good times went to the shit, I dont know how long but she has been avoiding being in the same room as me and Bruno and anyone else whos there from our group. I barelly noticed it, I thought it ment she was busy with some freelancer work, or wasnt feeling well (but today when i asked about it Bruno confirmed to me it was on purpose she did that).
One day sorta off two weeks ago, she drops out of telegram (the way us Bruno's friend and her used to comunicate), and sends me a whatsapp message saying:
Hey, just to make this clear, I asked Bruno and he said it wasnt clear: You arent my friend, you are his friends. Nothing personal. Thx Bye.
I felt so hurt I could only say "k" and removed her phone number to not answer back anything damaging... She was a true friend to me, we talked games, boys i was dating, Bruno related jokes... We shared meals, snacks, I helped her take the trash out, I helped her with house stuff, I really tried my best to never do anything bad to her, after all shes the wife of my best friend AND i considered her one of my top 5 friends easily...
She said something similar to other friend of the group btw, wasnt just me, but her relationship with him was always rocky (he is serial-dater with some superficial views of some of the stuff of the world, and shes very against them, for example).
As you can imagine that put me and my friend in a terrible position. I havent talked to her in person for for weeks, I havent visited Bruno in weeks, and he was a person who i visited pretty much weekly, our places are 30min of walking apart, so i even used to do that walk as exercise (go there, have some water, chat for a lil and go back, 1h of walking).
I tried understanding her, but I just cant, and Bruno also is equaly as lost. I wouldnt feel so upset if I undersood her reasoning, but im having to use Bruno as a proxy to try and understand it by having him ask stuff to her, and that is just annoying and unfair to him I feel... I feel she should be able to talk to me like a grown up and at least say her point. Even using Bruno as a proxy tho, she refuses to explain what shes feeling in any way that makes sense, and its really annoying to try and fix it...
Last week, I asked if I could visit next week, Bruno checked and said yes, but then today I asked if I could go tomorrow, she refused, my friend said she "would be unconfortable".
 
I really dont get it.
 
tl;dr, ²: Best friend has a wife, I thought she was my friend too, aparently she isnt, she dislikes me or something? Im completely lost on how to procede, how to fix it, whats her motivation... I dont think I need to be her friend if she really doesnt want to, but im sad she said im not, but i would still need to understand her to move foward, she refuses to talk.
What do you do when your best friends wife doesnt wanna interact with you?
submitted by vivir66 to relationships [link] [comments]


2016.08.21 01:09 RedPillWomen Vetting a Man Part 1: Seeker, vet thyself first!

Vetting potential partners is a vitally important process that cannot be left to chance!

Selecting the correct captain to lead her is one of the most vital life decisions a woman can make, and is the strongest point of control she has over the arc of her love life, especially when she seeks a submissive role. Vetting is part science and part fine art. It amazes me how many people put little to no effort into selecting the correct partner; it is everywhere in their vague dating site profiles ("Just ask!" That's the entirety of so many profiles!), their vapid, inconsequential date conversations, and the hard life lessons they must reenact, yet never learn from in their own lives as evidenced in advice spaces everywhere.
The higher the man's value, the more competition a woman interested in him faces from others. You can't change this reality, but it can be offset and mitigated, for the higher the woman's value, the longer she can keep a man's interest through a courtship and vetting process... *but never for TOO long!* Despite the time and market pressures that bear on this equation, there is much a woman can do to improve her vetting process so it's not like a blind leap of N-count faith, nor a cynical game of iterated prisoner's dilemma that never seems to yield mutually positive outcomes.
This post comes in three parts. In true Red Pill fashion we'll start where we have the most power and control by vetting ourselves. Part two delves into the details of vetting men. Part three looks at vetting for the ideal mix of Alpha and Beta traits.

Prepare and Vet yourself first!

To obtain the commitment of the best man possible, you have to make sure your own house is in order, and have a realistic self-image and expectations. Improve yourself as much as possible, on an ongoing basis; really KNOW who you are and what you want in a man and relationship, and make sure your image as perceived by men is what you want it to be.
Begin with the end in mind. Know what kind of relationships you want, and what kind you don't want, in broad terms. This should help you cleave away large swaths of possibly attractive, but ultimately unqualified men, without hesitation or remorse. You owe it to yourself to find the best partner, which means you don't owe weak matches any of your precious resource of time. Success at this is far easier to aim for and obtain when you know and understand yourself: your true likes and dislikes, your entrenched patterns, biases, and weaknesses. When choosing a life partner, try to take into account how your needs and tastes will change over time as well. Will the qualities you find so attractive in a college boyfriend work well in a Captain, Husband, Father?
Make sure your picker is calibrated well If you always seem to find yourself attracted to the "wrong kind" of guys, you're also subconsciously rejecting the right ones. It's Red Pill canon that you CANNOT negotiate attraction, and this is true on the individual level. You can't start with someone who has good partnership qualities on paper but you're not attracted to, and work or will your way to attraction. However, you can unlearn your blue pill ideas, and overwrite entrenched maladaptive patterns by various means, from introspection to therapy to pushing out of your entrenched comfort zone by sheer willpower at first. Over time, you can dramatically steer the TYPE of men you are subconsciously attracted to.
Be realistic about your own SMV It's like The Price Is Right: You want to bid as high as you can, without going over. Women can generally "date up" a point or two in the sexual marketplace, so don't undersell your potential. A dangerous reality of the SMP is, compared to women, men will SLEEP with a much lower SMV woman than they will COMMIT to. If you try to punch too far above your weight, it becomes easy to get used and dumped. Guile and skill may land a higher-than-expected partner, but simply offering easy sex will probably work AGAINST gaining his commitment.
Be aware of your RMV or what you bring to the relationship table and never stop learning and improving! Your SMV or appearance is good for attracting men, but high Relationship Market Value is what high quality men are looking for in a keeper. Looks will fade, but relationship skills can be built upon and finely tuned throughout life. How highly would men rate you on factors like conversational/listening skills, empathy, conflict resolution, domestic and childrearing skills etc?
Preselect with good filtering processes With all of these details to attend to, it's easy to see how vetting fatigue can set in when you're actively seeking a relationship and find yourself churning through many poorly matched prospects. There's a powerful business rule that applies here, which is not obvious to new entrepreneurs and inexperienced daters alike:
If you find yourself with more business than you can handle, RAISE YOUR PRICES at once!
In a dating context, this means if you find yourself overloaded with prospects that never go anywhere, raise your standards and the bar to date you. Add more polarizing details and qualifiers to your dating site profile. Try new, improved places and methods of meeting people and phase out current ones aren't delivering any qualifiable candidates.
Leave room for serendipity when implementing a tight, goal-oriented search for a high-quality partner. This is not meant to contradict, but rather temper the above advice. I mention this because so many successful couples arose from individuals who would never have expected "on paper" to make a good pair. Don't be lax about red flags, just make sure your preconceived notions don't disqualify an unexpectedly great match.

As you become more self-aware and improved, and develop keen insight into your OWN value and appearance to the men in the dating marketplace through rigorous self-vetting, you improve your ability and effectiveness at vetting and choosing a man. (Part 2)

submitted by RedPillWomen to RedPillWomen [link] [comments]


SIDEMEN BLIND DATING 2 - YouTube Classical Musicians React to Musician Blind Date Video ... Blind Date Reality Show - 2001 Episode - YouTube Blind(folded) Blind Dates (Haily & Jim)  Truth or Drink ... First Look at a New Bravo Show Blind Date!  Bravo Insider ... SIDEMEN BLIND DATING - YouTube Blind(folded) Dates  Truth or Drink  Cut - YouTube Blind Dating 101 with Rodney Dangerfield (1983) - YouTube Successful Blind Date (Aaron & Analisa)  #TBT  Cut - YouTube Speed Dating 9 Guys Using 5 Senses - YouTube

Blind date: 'It was awkward when the oysters came out ...

  1. SIDEMEN BLIND DATING 2 - YouTube
  2. Classical Musicians React to Musician Blind Date Video ...
  3. Blind Date Reality Show - 2001 Episode - YouTube
  4. Blind(folded) Blind Dates (Haily & Jim) Truth or Drink ...
  5. First Look at a New Bravo Show Blind Date! Bravo Insider ...
  6. SIDEMEN BLIND DATING - YouTube
  7. Blind(folded) Dates Truth or Drink Cut - YouTube
  8. Blind Dating 101 with Rodney Dangerfield (1983) - YouTube
  9. Successful Blind Date (Aaron & Analisa) #TBT Cut - YouTube
  10. Speed Dating 9 Guys Using 5 Senses - YouTube

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